I think what I want is someone I can absolutely trust.  A friendship that doesn’t always fking lose to girls.  My past two best friends have both ended because of girls.  Because the other person was too weak to just resist them or control their own urges.  

Here’s a crazy story:  back when I was still in college and best friends with my most recently lost best friend and back when we were both single, we went into a grocery store and saw a cute cashier named Rema.  She had shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, and one of those smiles you could tell she had a good sense of humor/ready to laugh.  So we hit it off with her because we’re both pretty smooth talkers and we have a good time whenever.  We get her number.  Mission accomplished.  We drive away from the store and text or call it giving her both of ours, feeling that powerful high that one more thing we didn’t think we could do but did anyway.  We both ended up talking to this girl and actually met up with her together a few times later.  

It was uncharted waters because who actually gets to ‘keep’ her if we both picked her up at the same time?  Do we try to share her in some weird 3 person relationship?  What do we do?  The earlier in the day before Rema was planning to come to visit me alone for the first time I was hanging out with my friend.  She came up and I got in some short arguement over her and I realized that a girl was something that could potentially come between our friendship.  I proposed that neither of us had her.  Just drop her immediately.  Don’t say a word, no goodbye, no nothing.  He agreed.

He held out for about 3 days before talking to her again.  They met up, hooked up, and then stopped talking again.  She didn’t realize my friend was 4 years older than me and she was 2 years younger than I was, which turned into a pretty creepy age gap all of the sudden.  So the outcome that probably would have happened anyway (neither of us talking to the girl) happened, but on her terms (at least for my friend) and not on his.  I should have known that him failing that test then would have been the sign that he doesn’t have enough control not to let girls control his life.  Anyways, now he’s married and him in his wife live in their own little facebook world that they rule like their sphere of influence is greater than a sandbox.  Oh well.  

For some reason I’m dreading the invitation to be his best man at his official wedding.  I think it’s because part of me wants to, and the other part wants to say no, because I don’t think he understands his own failures as a friend well enough.  Like, once he had his girlfriend/fiance/wife, I fell off the planet.  Not like, oh, I have a life outside of my significant other… nope.  No control.  ”Life happens” …. I should have seen that coming earlier.

I think that’s why I’m so interested in “reading” people.  Because if you can read them, then you can save yourself a lot of frustration later when they turn out to be nuts.

— <– means completely new topic… with no other easy way of transitioning.

I know I’ll be alright.  I’m just frustrated about a few things.  There’s still good stuff, I’ve got a good place I’m living at, good girlfriend, good health.  Just gotta hurdle a few obstacles and figure a few things out… stay tuned.