How do you let out all the rage and hatred you hold deep inside? Every minute, youre about to snap on someone, yet you manage to keep from harming others, so who better to harm than yourself? Ever wanted to just take a knife, razor, scissors and plunge it into your own throat? Thats how I often feel. Every little thing pisses me off, irritates me and pushes me over the edge. I know many of my problems are my own, but I swear that I live with someone who knows my weaknesses and does his best to pick them out and and just grind them up the best he can. He actually enjoys pushing me over the edge and then talks mad shit about me when I snap. I just love how people tell you not to allow others to have that kind of control over you, but give me a fuckin’ break, you can only take so much. 

Im absolutely disgusted by who I see in the mirror, yet I dont feel theres really a purpose in changing it because is that really going to erase the turmoil I have inside? No. I honestly think people are much better off without me around. Of course you have the loving family members who like to tell you how special you are, how much youre loved, etc. Honestly, that doesnt make me feel any better. I appreciate the efforts, but it just doesnt help. Sorry.

Slicing my skin, watching myself bleed sometimes isnt enough to let it all out. Pulling my hair out (literally), banging my head into walls, punching myself in the face, sometimes releases much of the rage Im feeling…but of course the more bruises, scars, and marks you leave..the more questions you have to face. Questions to come up with ridiculous lies to avoid just saying…Im a fucked up crazy bitch who doesnt know what to do with herself.

i was in a relationship just like yours.he is now my ex-husband. he is now remarried and even though i tried to worn her to no avail she didn’t listen. i was going to a psychologist.i was in such a depression that after i left my ex i decided to ask him what would happen if i had stayed he said that i would have died or ended up hospitalized. i don’t know if u saw the movie SLEEPING WITH ENEMY but that was my life with physical abuse. i had 3 children. he was cheating on me with people on his route and on the internet plus internet porn. i was put down consitantly. my thing was busting my fist.they would get boxer fractures. i was a nurse and would got to work with busted up knuckles. he would pin me down and try to choke me.after my third child he wante me to go back to work 2 weeks after i had her. i left him 6 months after she was born. at which he was cheating on. i tell you this because since i left my self esteem is back i have found that i can laugh again which i was not aloud to do. i can speak with out him going in to a tirade. leaveing is hard probebly the hardest thing go somewhere you know you will be safe , get psychological help there is no shame in it you will need someone to help you to weave thru all the mess you have been thru. find time to get out and get some fresh air the sun will brighten you.find a hobbie that keeps your hands and mind busy . me telling you at this point there is happiness you won’t believe me , im living proof. i have my bad days and i am on some medication , and i did find a man who lets me be me but u have to take the steps. i believe in you and i will pray for you