Occurred-October 2007

I’m like a dog in a lot of ways. When I like someone I tend to kind, friendly, and very approachable. When I don’t like someone I tend to growl (in a metaphorical sense) and have the urge to piss on their leg while taking a dump on their rug. ESPECIALLY when it comes to douches. With the such wastes of life I have to resist the urge of putting them in an arm bar and hearing their jerking off arm going all Rice Krispies (snap, crackle, pop). Some douches I can tolerate, some I wish could aim an x-ray machine at their junk so that they won’t reproduce, and some actually have a use from time to time. Farva was all 3. He might as well have had TOOL tattooed on his forehead as a warning for anyone that had the misfortune of him entering into their existence. He did have a use however. Here’s the story:

I had finished rolling around in jiu jitsu class (sparring, not taking hits of ecstacy)  and stopped by SushiBar to have a beer and a Thrash Roll (tempura shrimp and cream cheese on the outside, wrapped in seaweed and sticky rice, then topped with tuna and avocado. As I walked in I saw Brett working and Farva walking out. I tried to not make eye contact with Farva, because I know doing so would lead to atleast 30 minutes of an onslaught of “him not shutting the fuck up” that would have made King Leonidas think of throwing up a white flag.  Think I am overreacting? Keep reading. This night would actually make it almost tolerable to know that people like this douche bag exist. He sucked THAT much at life. If I were the super religious type, I’d stand on some bench on a street corner proclaiming he was the Anti-Christ holding the T-Virus from Resident Evil (game and movie).

BUT………………….

He had a use.

Instead of talking about his worthless attempts at existence (nevermind getting laid), I will talk about the one positive purpose that he could serve and still be part of my collective memory:

GETTING ME LAID…..

How did he manage this?

For as much of douchebag that Farva was he made a really good wingman. He made any guy that hung out with him look like a super hero, or however women would act if they were in Superman’s presence.