While attending college, I had to take a speech class.  One of the required assignments was to give a dedication speech, either a toast, farewell, introduction, or similar type.  Totally lost, I decided to take a farewell speech to a higher level.  I have posted it for your amusement. 

We are all here tonight to bid farewell and to toast my good friend, Urissa.  I have to admit, I did not realize how important she was to me until I learned the news that she was going to be relocated. She has had such a major impact on my life and I would like to share a bit of our history with you, before we raise our glasses in her honor.

Urissa and I actually grew up together.  So you all know we are in our mid 20’s right? Ok that is a lie; I promised Urissa I would never tell our real age.  Anyway, I remember learning of Urissa’s presence the summer we both turned 13. I was babysitting at my brother’s house and the kids and I were watching cartoons.  There was a loud banging on the door.  When I answered the door, I was totally confused.  I had no idea who she was or what she wanted. But I did not appreciate her showing up unannounced.  I would have gotten into trouble for having visitors while I was babysitting.

So, I called my dad at work and told him about Urissa showing up and scaring me.  He just told me I would have to learn to live with her living close by and that one day I would appreciate what she could do for me.   Well, I did like most 13-year-olds; I let it go in one ear and out the other, not ever considering the wisdom my dad had just offered me.  I was just too immature to understand her purpose in my life.    Well that was many summers ago, and Urissa and I have stuck it out through the thick and thin. 

During those thick and thin areas of life, Urissa taught me the difference between a woman and a man.  I knew that each gender had different body parts; she actually taught me how each part functions during the reproduction process. 

She stuck it out through the awkwardness of puberty; irritating me the whole time. Even though her timing was always wrong, I managed to live with her always riding my tail. 

She has been there for all the boyfriends and both of my husbands.  She took a lot of abuse from them, but she continued to hang around.  She really couldn’t do much else she was always stuck in the middle.

Most importantly, she supported all of my pregnancies.  She actually took more abuse while supporting of the children.  They were always kicking and punching her.  She always healed from the bumps and bruises but she has always carried the scars without a complaint.  If it wasn’t for all of the support she had given me, I might not have been able to have the loving family I have now. 

Now let’s raise our glasses in honor of Urissa.

Urissa, I want to say thank you for everything. I will always cherish the support you have given my family.  Even though your departure is taking a small piece of me with you, I will always have the scar to remind me of you. 

I want to wish you the best of luck in your new location.  Farewell my good friend Urissa, farewell my uterus. 

You should have seen the look on the instructor’s face.  Needless to say, I recieved an A on the project.