I hate feeling sorry for myself but it’s all I know. All my life I have felt sorry for myself because no one else would. Everyone seemed to have pushed me aside. No one really tells me I can do what I want to do. I’ve heard the words “You can’t do that!” It’s not that I can’t do it… it’s just that they don’t think I can do it so naturally I start to think I can’t; which puts me in this position of worthlessness. I don’t get enough push and positivity from the ones I need it from.

Depression sat in at an early age. I never felt good enough for anyone or anything. I have always felt as though nothing I do is good enough. I never felt smart enough to do what I want to do. I feel as though my stuff is crap and not good enough. I feel worthless. I feel lame. This depression has gotten the better of me my whole life. I feel it has kept me from achieving goals. I feel it has kept me from being as smart as I could have been in school.

I feel like the whole world hates me. It seems as though every time I turn around all I hear is: “What’s this bullshit?” It always has something to do with a story or poem I am writing or a business I would like to start up or whatever. You know… a dream I want to see a reality. I want to get away but I don’t know where to go. I feel as though there is the invisible leash that’s keeping me from succeeding and doing something with this life.

This life of mine sucks. My brain sucks. It doesn’t want to focus on things for long. I can’t focus long enough to finish what I start. I never seem to finish what I start. A million and one projects started and not one finished. It gets stuffed in the back of a pile of crap that is just piling up.