For years I sat around dreaming the same dream, wondering why this and why that, but letting my life pass me by. I felt like I had missed out on something or did something wrong and tried desperately to find it or make things right. I even tried to change my life around and live the way people wanted me to live. I wondered a long time to where I didn’t feel like wondering anymore. I didn’t feel like saying hi or wondering what was being said. My mind was focused in another part of the world and it took one man loving me to show me what I was missing. I missed being me and it was tearing me to pieces. I didn’t know who I was or what my purpose was. I knew I wasn’t happy with my life and wanted so desperately to disappear beneath the earth’s floor. I would put my pretend face on whenever family or friends came around, just to hide the hurt. I’m not supposed to be weak, always strong. My cousins thought I was super woman and knew I was a ride or die chic. When you’re young you don’t think about what could happen, constantly take chances with your life.  Honestly, I had a lot of issues on my plate. I was looking at the truth and didn’t know how to put the pieces together. I didn’t appreciate the people in my life or the things I had, always searching for more to add. Enough of that stuff I think I talked about it enough  but each time I write, it helps to ease my pain. I’m telling you in so many words; who I am and how I role. I want to clear up some things so people won’t take what I’m saying the wrong way. I was hurting badly and at the time, nothing seemed to sooth my soul. I had a couple of things going on and a few demons floating over my head and in my body. I wanted to get even with some people and then realized I wasn’t raised that way. I waited by the phone, looked for a knock at the door, until I didn’t feel like looking or waiting anymore. It was like I was on the inside looking out trying to find me. One day I got fed up and decided to make another bad choice. I was in a daze, walking through the could, until I ran into this white man. He wasn’t fine as hell, but the sweetest man I had ever met. I couldn’t figure out, how a man who had nothing; could be so happy. I was so unhappy with my life, to where I felt like I was in a dark, deep hole trying to climb out, but each time I got to the top, someone would kick me back down. There was nothing my family or friends could say, to ease the pain. This white man I met befriended me and I must say, “It was the best time in my life, at the time”. I’m not a mean person, but I don’t think twice about why you don’t like me or if I’m good enough to be a part of your world. I have my own life and I do what I need to do for me and my two children and my family. They mean the world to me and as long as I got them; I’m straight. I don’t need a man to tell me how to spend my money; but I’ll show him how I can spend his. I’m not bitter either, because remember now; writer is keeping it real. Men see me as a sex symbol and don’t take me serious. You can’t fool me baby, I got the goods that keep them coming and going.  I’m not a rich snob, because I pay bills too and don’t have an accountant. I’m not a dependent . because I moved away from home during high school. Actually, I’m an independent white woman who enjoys life drama and stress free. I like my position and oh yeah I know the difference between fiction and reality. I’m the one to let you know that Game recognizes Game and I’m very assured and confident with my life. Once you realize that everything is already planned and that people can do no more than you allow them to do to you, you’ll live better. I don’t have time for negativity and complainers. You be sad, if you want to worry about a man or woman or why this or that person don’t like you or won’t talk to you; because I’m not. I leave them on the same trail I found them on. If they get lost along the way, I’m not going back to find them. They’ll have to find their way just like I did. Let me tell you about this white man who held my hand and guided me into a world of truths. He was a kind and patient person. I know there were days I drove him crazy, acting needy but not once did he say, “I’m busy or call me back”. He said, “Sweet Lady do you want me to come to you; or you come to me?” His tenderness and words were enough for me to open up my world to him. I put down that  sign that read, “Everyone needs to stay with their own color” and put up another one that read, “Love knows no colors; when it comes to matters of the heart”. He was so good to me, not an ounce of hatred in his body. He sensed my sadness miles away. I would be laying in the bed all anti-social hiding from family and friends to keep from explaining myself to them and look up to see my man standing at my door. It wasn’t about what he had or didn’t have; it was about the way he was taking the time help me get my life back. When he took my hand and walked with me, he didn’t let it go for any reason. We came upon bumps in the road, but instead of walking around them, we jumped over them together. Each time it rained, he held the umbrella with one hand and used his other hand to hold mine. He is who helped me to start building my life once again. I started to appreciate the things I had more and listened at him tell me daily, “Love you more baby and all else will fall in place”. I didn’t see it at first, but as each day went on, I grew stronger. I started to let go of the past and live for the present. I learned to forgive and be happy. I realized who I was and what my purpose in life was. I learned to be patient, because it’s not what we want; it’s what God feels that we need. I didn’t see my white man as a white man, but as a man. He holds a special spot in my heart to this very day. He stayed long enough for me to learn the difference between fiction and reality,and much more. I don’t care what people say about me or how they feel about me; because I love me. I laugh at the comments and sarcasm and say to oh well with the bull. I don’t like confusion or insecurities, but I love me. I don’t make new friends and to let you know my best friends are my family. I treat the people I come across; the way that they treat me; not the way I want to be treated because life has upgraded to a new level. I live my life as if tomorrow is not promised to me, always inventing or doing something exciting. I’ve learned to forgive and know that it’s alright to forget, if you want to move on with your life. Healing comes from within the soul and there’s nothing wrong with you taking the first step towards letting go. Read your bible and pray for not only you, but for the world. Hold on to patience, because you’ll need it in today’s world. Love and respect your children, not befriend or party with them; because they need you. Practice safe sex, because there is so much harmful stuff out there. Be who you want to be and not who people need you to be. Don’t bother with asking her or him what you did wrong or why they don’t want you. You can’t make a person love you and people only do to you what you allow them to do. Just because he or she says, “I don’t have a disease” doesn’t mean you should trust them. A lot of the diseases going around, people don’t know that they have them.  I write about what I know by taking the time to experiment and take notes. I realized some things take time to resolve and that same person you mistreat is the one you’ll have to beg pardon with. It use to take stuff a long time to come back around, but now things move fast. It took me taking the first step towards forgiving and moving on; for me to learn how to forget. I use to try and figure out why people do and say the things they do, but it’s a waste of time. Ladies there is no need to be intimidated by what I write .  I’ll confirm  suspicions right here. I write about what I know; not what I think I know. I write about what I feel; not what you feel. I write about what I see and touch; not what you see and touch. People ask me why I write, so it’s time for me to tell everybody my reasons…Because people don’t know the difference between fiction and reality or understand what I’m writing about. If you know me, then you know I’m still with that white man i met 5 years ago and we couldn’t be happier well be getting married in a few weeks.