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Are you feeling blue this holiday season? Perhaps you need a pick me up. Here are some fortune cookie sayings from your neighborhood psychiatrist. This may be therapeutic.

1.   Stay away from your mother-in-law if she is waving a knife in your direction.

2.   Having three wifes is hazardous to your health and your pocketbook.

3.   Never put your hand out to pet a pitbull named Fang.

4.   Get over it. You are not being followed by little green men from Saturn.

5.   If you want to sit in my chair, you may do it.  However, it will cost you an extra two hundred bucks.

6.   Talk as long as you like. I’m not really paying attention.

7.   You’re suffering from big mouth syndrome.  You need to know when to shut up.

8.   Stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong.  By the way, you just knocked over my vase. How can you be so careless?

9.   There’s no reason to be alarmed just because you’re bald, fat, and ugly.  At least, it’s kept you from getting married.

10.  Since you have multiple personalities, I’m billing you for three sessions today.

11.  For the last time, I’m not going to bite you.  However, be careful tonight.  There is a full moon.

12.  You need to get over your fear of worms.  By the way, would you like to have a gummy worm?

13.  Kissing a man on the cheek is fine.  However, kissing a man on the knee is a little strange.

14.  Telling your boss to go screw himself usually does not get you a promotion.

15.  Short term memory loss is really not a serious problem because…Darn, I forgot what I just said.