Does this sound familiar? Battles over your teen’s physical appearances are quite common. But who’s really right and who’s wrong? Are parents too conservative or are teens trying too hard to “fit in”?

          Of course, every family is different, but here are some guidelines you might want to follow.

          In mapping out a strategy in the battle over physical appearance, parents must weigh three things: modesty vs. motives vs. morality.

           Of course, if teens are blatantly immodest, they should cover up. But what about those gray areas where parents would like to see a little less skin but teens don’t see what the problem is all about? And what about those tight pants and crazy styles? These cases are extremely difficult for parents and must be dealt with on an individual basis. Be careful, however, not to stereotype clothing or styles. No, you may not have worn those kinds of clothes when you were a teenager, but styles change. Be sensitive to what is in style and don’t force your kids to be out of it. Is their clothing rational, or are you just embarrassed to see your teens dressed that way?

           Next, ask yourself, “Is this a moral issue?” This is possibly the key question. Don’t hit on morality if your teenager is simply trying to be in style. For example, some parents think that anyone who wears a denim vest is part of the “wrong crowd.” This simply is not true. And if you hold a stereotype like this, be prepared to have your teen ask why. You’d better have a more solid reason than, “Because I said so,” or “It’s just not right.”

           Last, examine your teens’ motives. Are they wearing these styles just to “catch” a boyfriend or girlfriend? Or are they wearing these things so everyone will think they are “cool”? These are probably not the best motives. However, if they are wearing these styles in order to “fit in,” that is not such a bad motive in this case, because feeling like you belong is a very important aspect in the development of self-esteem.

           In summary, it might be more beneficial to spend a little less time haggling over specific articles of clothing, and a little more time helping your teens look their best within the framework of their style.