Communication is an art form at times too commonly over looked and undervalued.  Men and women are complex creatures…  Communication is more than just words spoken.  It is tone, body language, words selection, perception, and reaction all working together.  In your communication patterns with others are they responsive?  Are you genuine in your words spoken?  Do they seem engaged when you speak?  Do they ask questions and want to know more?  What is their reaction after listening to you?      

Part of growing up… part of understanding… part of building relationships with others is learning how to relate with them.  Here are some tips to look for if you are working on improving your communication skills.

First of all your tone has much to say even though when all it really is… is the sound of your voice being projected onto another!  How you say something is part of how communication works.  Tone is the odometer that measures the potency of your words spoken.  It’s all in how you say it!  When writing it is more difficult to know the tone being used, because all of the aspects of communication are not present in this form it is more difficult to communicate effectively.  Writing as a form of communication requires a great deal of careful word selection.    

Secondly body language the largest aspect of communication when speaking with another person.  When you are speaking if their arms are folded and their legs are crossed it means they are not open to communication with you or they are not able to comprehend the information being given.  If their hands are by their sides and they are on the edge of their seat and writing notes.  They are interested and open minded to what it is you are saying.

Third is word selection.  Do you use slang words often or are you careful when selecting your words?  When speaking with another do you listen more than you speak?  Do you ask them questions about their story in order to show them you are engaged and listening to them?  Do you offer your opinion in a constructive criticism way and with honesty?  Most people prefer honesty and constructive criticism over rudeness.  There is a different kind of respect for people who are genuine, honest and give constructive criticism.                         

Fourth is perception.  You cannot control another persons’ perception.  Although this is unstable many times a persons’ perception will depend on their emotions for that day or at that moment.  Many people make decisions based on their emotions.  This is why it can be dangerous to react when one is upset or when one is depressed.  Two opposite ends of the spectrum and can have very unpredictable actions taken in the midst of these emotions.  Never make large decisions on emotional days they usually result in irrational behavior.

Fifth and final one is reaction.  Reaction is our actions taken after our perception kicks in.  Learn to understand the concept of actions and reactions.  With every action there will be a reaction.  Learn to focus it for good…