However, and here we go, I am being forced by other people to make a decision now. Not my friends and there is no one waiting in the background on my side trying to make me leave him. I can’t speak for him, because I have no idea what he is doing, part of the problem. Since he is back tracking and has someone “Checking Up” on me, this is forcing the situation to move ahead faster than I intended. I am someone who likes things settled right away and waiting for him to come home to decide was hard enough without someone else meddling in and making it move faster. Now all the issues I wanted to discuss in person, now need to be discussed. Not that I had put anything in my blogs that I had not already told him, but he seems to be trying to find dirt to sling back. Drama, unnecessary drama.

Why do people do that? Why do they start looking for an equal balance of crap to throw at each other? Isn’t it bad enough that there are issues without gumming it up with other stupid stuff? I am sorry but I believe that people need to get to the point of the problem and what caused it in the first place instead of trying to stack up a whole load of crap to throw back and forth. I wasn’t doing that to him, yet I am receiving it.

Now that things have been literally forced forward I am at a point where I need to make a decision when I am not ready to. What do I do? I am not the one who caused the original situation and my heart has been totally committed to this relationship all along and now I may be forced to walk away. It is not my mind or thoughts that I have had that have caused any of this, now it may be my frame of thought that may need to change. It was not my plan to go through this or even have doubts about my loyalty to him, now I have to face the fact that we may be irretrievably broken. I was not ready to have my heart, my mind or my life changed until I decided whether I could deal with this or not. How have been able to work through anything when it constantly leads to more drama that is not coming from me? This is what happens when you involve other people in your marriage and allow others to change your train of thought or distract you from where it should be. I am being forced to make this decision even though it wasn’t me who went astray. What do I do now?