Some people think that monkeys should be trained by the government in a variety of circus tricks and the provide one to every household. I completely agree with them. Monkeys should be trained and distributed by the government to give people an active type of entertainment. For example if an overweight, lazy family were given an active monkey that liked to be chased, that would force the fat people to get up and chase the monkey around which would make them fit.

A lot of the protestors love the argument that the monkeys will revolt and would take over the earth. This can definitely not happen. Ever. This is because MONKEYS ARE DUMB! It is commonly known by the Monkeys are Cool Association that monkeys mental capacity is 99% smaller than the human brain. This shows us that monkeys are obviously not smart enough to organize an uprising. Plus, most of the monkeys will not have contact with each other anyway because they will each be living in different households.

Monkeys will definitely benefit the human race. If your family is not interested in the entertainment side of the monkeys or you just get bored of the monkeys tricks, at your own expense, you can train your monkey to do the household chores. This is very beneficial because it greatly reduces the work of housewives and househusbands. We will offer monkey trainers for a small expense to train the monkeys, in your house, to do your housework. The trainers would work fourteen hours a day to train your monkey in every aspect of an average day. Clearly, if we train the monkeys to the way we want, we would have many more hours to do the things we love to do.

Some people talk about animal rights and the monkeys should not be our servants and blah blah blah. We are not making the our servants!!! Do servants get paid? NO! Well the monkeys we employ all come to the banana A.T.M to collect their weekly salary in bananas. That means that the monkeys feed themselves and you do not have an extra mouth to feed in your household. The monkeys will clean up all the mess they make so you do not have any extra cleaning to do. Afraid that some people might bully and abuse their monkey? Do not be! We will have an inspector in your local area with a monkey translator that will talk to and counsel your monkey. If the inspector gets any hint that the monkey is getting bullied or abused, we will take the monkeys away and put them in the Monkey Counselling Centre which is a safe and caring environment for monkeys to stay. Monkeys will stay safe and happy at all times during their stay at your household.

It is easy to say that we should not do this to the monkeys but there is no reason why we should not. It would benefit us in many ways. It is impossible to have an uprising so we do not need to worry about the monkeys plotting behind our backs. We could train the monkeys to do the chores and our housework and would keep the monkey population happy and safe. What have we got to lose? Why not?