Have you ever noticed how happy a child can get? I remember before all those H1N1 and HFM stuff came about, children were so free to play anywhere at all. Parents never had to worry about their children contracting infections or whatever diseases that are haunting the world today. There was a sense of … freedom.

Freedom is always portrayed by a child dancing in the fields, arms stretched out, skipping and running, spinning round and round, and laughing away as if there’s not a single worry in the world. And it is supposed to be true for them – they do not have to worry because they don’t have any commitments yet. Childhood is a time for enjoyment and freedom. No one should put any worries or cares in these little human beings.

I’ve been crescendo-ing into sad moods lately. I’ve been so down every smile I pulled felt fake. I couldn’t even joke. Everything was a serious issue to me. My favourite expressions were genuine frowns. Our family has been (and is still) going through terrible times. We’re struggling so hard it makes us wonder if we’re ever going to make it the next day. I questioned myself about our family’s constant half-poverty.  Let me explain what half-poverty is…

We’re not rich and we’re not poor either. We’re nowhere near the middle-income. We’re just somewhere between ‘you might make it’ and ‘you’re not going to make it at all’. We’re finding ways to solve this problem but it’s just so impossible to see beyond the fog.

I decided to see someone important to me today. I realized I have long abandoned our relationship. For some reason unclear to me, I couldn’t bring myself to speak to him. And I know for sure that it’s our deteriorating relationship that has caused my upside-down smiles. I longed for the time when I was so certain about his presence with me. I want so bad to feel that complete joy within me again.

So I walked into the Chapel this morning and sat down at one of the pews. I looked up at him and realized the reason why I never got to talking to him was because the ‘worries of life… come in and choke [the life out of me]’ (Mark 4:19). Every time I tried to calm myself down to pray, my mind drifted away to think about our financial problems.

At this realization, I shut my eyes and pictured myself as a little girl, spinning, dancing and running in the wide-open field of paradise. I saw my Jesus joined in the fun, carrying me up so high above his head. We were laughing our hearts out, it was just so amazing. This is what I’ve been missing in my life. This freedom I’ve almost forgotten about is what I need to make me smile and laugh with joy again.

I started to sing praises to him, knowing all too well that praising him has always been the beginning of a healing process. I didn’t have to tell him the sad story of my life. He is a God who sees all things. He knows what I’m going through and he assures me of his presence with me all the time. I just praised and thanked him for all that he has blessed me with. I remember someone told me once that the best thing in life is in what’s already placed in front of you; not in the things that you wish you had.

I came out of the Chapel, a totally different person. I hope to rub the joy I found this morning on every one I meet today.