Long ago when Adam and Eve were resting casually in the garden along came a fellow wearing a pin striped suit with a broad brimmed hat.  His allure was too great for Eve who was enchanted by his wry smile and reptilian good looks.  Adam saw the effect he had on Eve and got riled but said nothing at the time.

Adam instead went away sullen and resentful of the sly devil who had appeared in the garden on that Tuesday afternoon (Note: cue the Moody Blues Tuesday Afternoon).  As he walked toward the open grassy area of the garden he spotted God there.  Gos was doing something rather curious.  he was swinging a strange looking stick at a little white object and making it roll along the grass.

Whilst Adam was away Eve became irritated that Adam should be so childish and instead began to flirt with the stranger.  The stranger then said, “Come, let’s stroll in the orchards and see what we can find there.”  As they perambulated the orchard she tasted a few of the ripe cherries, the pomegranates and pears.  Soon they passed across a pathway and into the apple orchards.  There she noticed the tree God had told them “not to eat the fruit thereof.”  Being a little pissed at both God and Adam who she could now see were goofing around with the sticks and balls she thought to herself, “Ha!  Let’s see what the fruit of this tree tastes like.”

The kindly seeming stranger in the pinstriped suit reached a ripe apple and gave it to Eve.  She grew afraid and suddenly dropped the apple and turned away in fear.  The gentleman then reached up and said, “Fear not the apple it has only wisdom in its skin and not sin.”  Eve noticed a large diamond ring was dangling from a gold cord under the stranger’s belt and asked what it meant.  Aha, said the sly devil if you only eat from this apple i shall tell you its meaning.

So she being overcome with curiosity snatched the apple and bit down.  Suddenly she realized she had a clear understanding of what the apple meant.  God heard the distant crunch and came running.  He was riled up and royally pissed.  Striking the ground with his putter he declared to Adam and Eve…!@$%&^…GOLF which meant Garden Off Limits Forever in a broad Scottish brogue, the ‘true lingua franca’ of God.

This is the reason that men now abandon their wives on weekends to play golf as it is the curse God declared upon women for having interrupted God during a critical 40 foot putt with the loud crunching of the apple.