Feeling irrelevant, unnecessary, or obsolete can happen to anyone, particularly during very stressful times in one’s life.  A divorce, the death of a loved one, financial setbacks, or the loss of a job can trigger feelings of being washed up and useless, particularly if one does not have youth on one’s side.  These feelings can be more dramatic and more traumatic for older people who do not have the majority of their life in front of them.  However, one does not have to be a senior citizen to experience these feelings.  The teenage years, the mid-life period, and near retirement is when people often experience these episodes more regularly.  Some who experience these feelings all the time may be depressed, either mildly or severely, and may require professional psychological help, but the majority of people have these feelings occasionally, and are still functioning members of society.

When experiencing these negative feelings, it is best to first recognize that one is facing a challenging event or challenging period, and there will be very difficult days.  Not every day will be sunny and happy, but those challenging days are just days to get through.  It is like a war when one is in battle; it is something to survive.  Winning on those days is just getting through to the next day.  A string of such days can be depleting emotionally.  Second, it is wise to remain conscious of one’s mental state and remind oneself to not make any major decisions when experiencing these negative feelings because the decisions will likely be wrong ones.  For instance, when experiencing alienation from work, that is not the best time to quit your job, or tell your boss to take his or her job and shove it.  Better would be to slog through it; remind oneself that it is going to be tough today, and see what can be done that is positive.  

Often the negativity is not emanating from within but is a reaction to something external — a high spending spouse who is out of control, a meeting with the boss when she terminates your employment, a relationship that you had high hopes for is destroyed.  In these situations, one must get through them, and part of getting through them is not doing anything rash.  There is a set of motivational audio recordings and a book entitled “Mental Toughness.”  It centers on sports figures and how they react to poor performance — will they choke, go into a slump, or gather their reserves of strength to continue to keep trying until they emerge from their slump.  The same rules apply to normal people as to athletes.  Be conscious of what is happening to you, hang in there, and do not make things worse.  

If possible, do something positive.  Usually, being alone is not an ideal reaction unless you know you will do something positive.  Going out with people, seeing a movie, having a pizza and a beer with a friend — reconnecting with people is a very powerful cure.  Being with one’s children or pets can be reassuring.  A loving spouse would of course be great. Take a break from the stressful event causing the reaction, and re-attack it later is a successful strategy.  Try different strategies to see what works for you.  And remember, we are here for you; we want you to succeed; we want you to find satisfaction and happiness.  Good luck to you; we wish you good fortune.