What is it about me that makes me so happy with my life one minute, but really paranoid the next?  What makes me a really fun person to go out, with but not a real friend to anyone?  Why is it, the important friends in my life don’t regard me as important?  I spend the whole day with my 18 month old son going to the toy library and sing along, I am busy all day and don’t have a minute to sit down, I need him to have a nap so I can get on and maybe have a soak in the bath. (Yeah right) Yet when he is in bed my life seems so empty.  Why is it when I make the effort to go out with friends that I find it a chore leaving the house?  Then when I do, they are late or only one person turns up.  We have a great night chatting and having a few drinks not awkward at all then in the morning when I reflect it seems like they came out because they pity me. I have come to this conclusion because I have not had a reply to my text saying “I had a great time last night”. 

I know that all my childless friends changed when my son was conceived; well I know I changed, I wanted to change, and I needed to change.  I knew that my childless friends and I would have less and less in common as time went past however for my husband nothing has changed in fact his friends call him and say, “fancy a break from family life, come to Amsterdam this weekend”  “no” he says with a giggle… half wanting to go and half knowing he cant, with the overall bottom line of ‘I see my son at weekends stupid… I work all week.’  But hey, at least he gets the invite.