Too many good people live unsatisfying lives trying to please those around them. You don’t have to be one of them.
I have always been me, and no one else. No image for the world to see, no face to wear for friends, no perception of how I was supposed to be. Just me, and no one else. I did what I needed to for me, and I still do. I wish the world could follow in my footsteps, because it’s brought me more happiness than any other action or lifestyle ever could. I want the same for each and every one of you.
The first thing to remember is that you are a priority too. A lot of people live their lives as “fixers,” or people who do their best to help everyone around them at their own expense. These people often live appearing happy and fulfilled, but in truth, wish they had someone to fix them back. This is the one acception to my statement earlier. I was once this guy. I won’t go into extreme detail, but I once fell in love with a girl who would never come to love me back. I spent years guiding her through each and every failed romance, aching with every second I watched from the sidelines and praying to be her next choice so that I could take care of her like she deserved. At the time, I felt that I just wanted what was best for her and that my only need was to heal her wounds and give her my love. In a way, I’m glad she never let me. Once I got over trying to be her prince, moved on, and decided to find what and who was best for me, I found the girl who will soon become my fiance. We help each other better ourselves and heal past wounds. The important thing here is that we help eachother. Anyone who takes your assistance and gives none in return should not be an integral part of you. You simply can’t live trying to be someone’s everything and be their nothing, be it romantically or just as a friendship. Everyone has emotional needs. You are no exeption, and thinking I was strong enough for the burdens of two people was the biggest mistake I ever made.
Second, you have to stop caring about your image. At least so much. Dress as you think looks good. Cut your hair how you want to. Life is about living for yourself. If you constantly worry about if everyone likes your new dress or approves of your haircut, you’ll be distracted from actually living. This is most likely the most difficult step. You need to find yourself. Find your confidence. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself how good you look. Like yourself for who you are. If no one else likes you, then they can go to hell! I like you, and you like you. Live for you. My Mom is a fantastic example of trying to fall in line for someone else. Just recently, she’s been breaking her old habits, but for years she tried to be the ideal wife for my father due to the expectations of our rather affluent family on his side. Wealth and connections in high places were daunting to a Missouri girl like her, and while our household was far from rich, his family was most certainly so. My Grandmother was intimidating to her, and she feared that the power his family controlled could ruin her or take us, her children, away. A foolish fear, but one none the less. You have to let go of any such fears. No one can ruin you for being you, and no one can rightly judge. Become who you are. Do what you know you should and have always wanted to do. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Become yourself. Stop living the lie that is everyone else’s life, and stop trying to please. Please yourself.
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