How to tell if your Ancestors were Rednecks:

You have a can of WD-40 setting on your kitchen table that you use for removing labels from glass bottles.

There are a collection of burned-out fluorescent light bulbs next to the WD-40 because you don’t know how to get rid of them.

Next to the light bulbs are a pair of reading glasses just in case you want to read something, but the glasses are so covered with dust you couldn’t see anyway.

There is a shotgun leaning in the corner next to the kitchen table where you sit in case you have to shoot something.

This might not be a sign your ancestors were rednecks, but if you have a microscope in your living-room you qualify as a “Nerd.”

If you own more then one computer you are also a Nerd.

If you have a stalk of celery growing on your desk you can make it either way Redneck or Nerd.

If your idea of a snack is an apple a day keeps the doctor away you probably had Redneck ancestors.

If your dog is a breed nobody ever heard of except coon-hunters, that claim that dog is worth $50,000 the Redneck ancestors will get you!

If your idea of a meal is a hunk of fried chicken, and an ear of corn your Redneck ancestors will be a’comin for dinner.  

If you keep a bunch of tools in one of your kitchen’s counter drawers you qualify.

If you use your dining room table to repair the track from a bulldozer your ancestors would be proud of you.

If everybody thinks you have no apparent source of income you might be rich, maybe or just don’t want to work.

If you ever slipped and fell in the Plaza you can’t keep your feet under you.

If your wife is shopping in Bergdorf-Goodman’s while you are gaining the nickname of the forest ranger of Canal Street you are just plain cheap.

If you are crossing the Brooklyn Bridge and see a sign saying “Leaving Brooklyn, “Oy Vay” chances are your ancestors aren’t Rednecks if you know what Oy Vay means already.   

If you call the UFO hotline more then once a day you are more then likely nuts!   

If you are reading this nonsense you are not only nuts, but you are hopeless as well as nuts.

You’all watch for the next edition you’all hear now!