Somedays, there are just not enough tears to cover.

I woke at my usual time this morning, 5 a.m.  I very seldom sleep past that, in fact, probably no more than seven or eight in the over two years since my late wife died. As I swung my legs out of bed, the song, Forgiveness, by Don Henley was echoing in my head. A bad omen.

As the day progressed, the song track, uncharacteristically didn’t change; it just kept looping through my mind like background Muzak on a crappy in-office speaker system. I actually chuckled a few times as it played, trying to imagine what little piece of flotsom that had been wedged in with.

I managed a fairly decent day, albeit a long one, and got some personal stuff and some writing done to boot. Heck, I had even begun to get caught up on my reading list off of Triond’s New Feed. But that dang song just kept hammering away at me.

Now, for those of you out there who have read my stuff, you know that it’s no secret where I stand on the whole “religious” thing. I am a spiritual man, but, not really a religious one. I believe God exists, I am a Christian by Faith and I try to keep my life along those lines.

I am fairly sure though that today was some form of definative proof for me. Aside from the endless soundtrack of a song I moderately tolerated when it first came out, (I love Don Hendley, but, this was a sappy song), the only other weird thing was a few pointed references to Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Fort Wayne was the city that my late wife passed away in. We had gone there to be near my youngest step-daughter when she gave birth to my precious grand daughter. Wanda had died the following November and I brought her home.

I found out this evening, about thirty minutes ago; that the self-same daughter/grand-daughter combo are returning to the cold, austere climbs of the Indiana landscape. I am heart broken.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s probably a great thing for my daughter, she’ll be near her sister and have a good support system for her and the little one. Yet, Big Papa Dan is a little hurtin’ right now. I love them both, and, the nearness of them has been a real comfort; even when I didn’t get to see them as much as I would have liked.

I think, I was getting the warning signal to remind me that, it isn’t always about what we want. Sometimes, it’s about what we have to do; who we need to be. Right now, I need to be supportive, encouraging; basically, I need to be dad/grandpa. What I really want is to be petty and shout, “What about me?”

Love the ones your closest to. Cherish each moment with them like it maybe the last; you never really know.

Just an old mans thoughts.