Aren’t they just f****** annoying? They think they’re so cool and special. Well if they are, why don’t they hang by my hood? Yeah, I thought so! Because I will f****** bust their kneecaps, that’s why!

Ponies are known for being part of hardcore-gangster drive-by shootings. One of them was involved in the killing of Biggie Balls. Or is it Smalls…. Ah who gives a fuck.

Anyways, ponies are violent in nature. Once I was sleeping with the family of my friend’s friend’s cousin four times removed family. They lived in a 30 story high condominium. They lived on the top floor. One night, at 3:00 AM, I heard something banging against the window. I thought it was a tree branch, but I just remembered I was 30 stories high.

I looked out the window and I saw a pony’s face outside. That’s right. That Mofo climbed the entire building. It was mumbling something. In the begining I couldn’t understand it, but then I was making some sense out of what he was saying.

He said: Yo, Who the (beep) do you think you are – he actually said beep instead of the f word, I don’t know how he did it -

I said: What do you want! He started to mumble again. I heard three or four more words- something about 99 range or something, and Pking me – before he fell down to his miserable death.

The next day I saw his ghost while I was trying to balance a printer on my head. He said: UMAGA! UMAGA! HE WILL COME AND GET YOU! BATTY CREASE! BRAAP BRAAP!

Then Arnold came in the room punched him in the face (I know you’re wondering how that happened since the pony was a ghost) and as soon as he stepped out the door I was like

“Arnold where you goin’ son!”

He said “I’ll BE BAHK”!

I quietly whispered “Please Don’t”

Nowadays, the Pony is a DJ and a Member of Parliament. Arnold is now in Hollywood bungee jumping off a cow. And I am still dropping acid. At least I think I am. I think I’ve dropped a bit too much, like the pony, and I cannot differentiate between reality and ponity.

KIDS PLEASE STAY OFF DRUGS or the pony will come knocking in the middle of the night at your window. Now you wouldn’t want that would you.

Disclamer – IamanoobI is not responsible if your F****** kid comes up to you in the middle of the night, and wants to get in your bed because he’s scared of window-knocking ponies. That’s your f****** fault for letting him read this shit. So don’t come slapping any lawsuits on me. F****** capitalists.