Well, I like the stalker but he only writes about recipes.  “You ought to write something personal I can connect with.  Talking about food is like talking about science…I can’t FEEL it!”  And so Street Person aka Troos wrote some boring poems lately but that’s OK because some of them were also good.  I guess one cannot know which poems will be good or bad because when you’re writing, especially in a large quantity, I guess quality gets diluted as well, unless you are lucky and the Powers That Be (used MY way) help you to say something worthwhile that you could not yourself.
    A Jehovah Witness came to my door just now, and she is my older friend.  I went to Kingdom Hall a couple of times but the last time I went I fell asleep.  Not because it was boring.  I was actually interested and have sat in a lot of sermons before and actually like them.  But this time it was because I did not eat well or have enough sleep.  I literally crashed out, my eyes not able to open, and I blanked out and was dizzy.  Maybe, just maybe it was demonic imposition keeping me from hearing a much needed notice.
    Well, so I went to a few bible studies with them because there was no other church I could get a ride to.  And these people actually cared enough about evangelism to come to my door and take me to their house or to McDonald’s.  And well, a long time ago I gave that up because they were treating me more like a student than a peer in my view.  I like to have my opinions heard, and I felt they were always imposing their opinions as Truth and mine as worldly.  Now I grew up in a Christian home so I do not think I have worldly thoughts at all.  I also had a benefit of a couple of Christian schools.  So that was a little rude to me not to be heard or respected as a peer.
    So I dropped it, and she just came by today to talk and say Hello.  She gave me her number again.  She was very pretty and brought her daughter and her friend who are in elementary school.  Children make things a little sweeter, at least these kids did.  Some kids are darn brats and make me plain annoyed.  But some kids make me want to have one of my own.  In church when I was very very young, a woman said she wanted to take me home with her.  I’d like to think I was one of those sweet children that make people want kids.  Hahahhaa.
    I am trying to figure out what i like reading.  I know I enjoy writing erotica and controversial embarrassing things are fun to get out in the public, especially because I know I will never get caught!  Mwahaha!  But also I like being completely transparent.  There are some people, one who called me her best friend, who I would never be transparent to because they are always thinking the worst.  If I did not grow up being taught that I am a pretty decent and good person, if I just listened to what my best friend was saying about me then I would believe I am really evil.  My brother told me that some people make other people have low self esteem on purpose so that they can dominate the relationship.  She loved to dominate.  But at the time I liked being dominated because I wanted to learn about her world, not her know about mine. 
    She tried copying me, with dressing like me.  She wanted me to give her my old clothes but I gave it away to the salvation army instead because I did not know.  She liked it when I picked out her clothes.  Once I showed her a white dress about knee or mid thigh high that had silver sequins on it.  I told her to get it for her party and she did.  She later told me she got a lot of compliments for it.  I was glad, and wanted her to dress more appropriately and less like the whore she was.  She prided herself in being an amateur prostitute and dressed for attention.  And then she wondered why men were always out for sex with her.  Except that isn’t true because men just want sex from me even if I dress super ugly and try to look unattractive.
    I went to stripclubs with her, and sports bars, and had experiences with boys and went on with men from myspace.  I had my first sort of boyfriend (the one I said “I love you” to, even though I did not, just because it happened to make a perfect movie moment in real life).  But I never had sex the whole time although I did TRY twice, and it just hurt too much.  I heard it is not supposed to if done right.  And I am also sort of waiting for marriage, although at times I think I am meant to be alone. 
    When I did not like SP’s romantic poems it was not because I was actually jealous.  It is because certain things just annoy me about lovers.  I LOVE to watch lovers and to watch wedding shows and all that, and not because I am planning out my own wedding in mind since mine will be totally different and better anyway.  I like to see them happy, or not, for I also like watching Bridezillas and Divorce Court.