I remember a while back I thought I had all of the answers; I thought I knew how to incorporate spirituality in my everyday school life. These last few weeks have been quite hard. They proved me wrong. I was not ready to handle a lot of what occurred. Let’s just say that I had a dark last few weeks. I have been questioning many aspects of my faith. I originally accepted this as a natural course I would have to deal with, so I delved further into inquisition. This was a steep slope. Depression soon set in, as values and beliefs I once thought to be perfectly tenable did not have the same resilience. Philosophy is a dark and dangerous place. I never want to go back there again. When given access to ones values, it rips them apart. Please do not entertain it. It enthralls you and destroys concepts with such ferocity that it is unimaginable. The weird thing is that no matter what you believe, philosophy can rip it apart. If you seek an answer, you will find one that makes perfect sense in your mind. It will make so much sense that it is horrific. This is because philosophy is fueled by the need to find an answer. It will never stop until a false answer passes logical reasoning. At that point conclusions make perfect sense, but in reality they are so twisted and wrong. These last few weeks have been some of the scariest I have ever experienced. The good thing is that I now realize that philosophy is flawed. With logic at its heart it can never be perfect. The conclusions come out of a need for questions to be answered. Is this clear?

Logic was my problem. I like to approach situations with logic, only then do I really believe I own something. The crazy thing was that my logic, these last weeks, has not agreed with my faith. School in all of its monotony mixed with lots of pointless mental labor also set a bad mood. Anyway, the unpredictable surprise has been the fact that I now realize, via logic (haha), that my logic can never be perfect. (How much does that say about my theory? Not much, I guess.) As much as it makes sense in my head, my logic is flawed. I can never know that what I perceive is a proper base for cognitive reason to stand on or if my thinking is erroneous because of chemical interaction within my brain. In other words, I have realized that I cannot trust myself with matters of as much importance as faith. Also, even though the point of all of the reasoning is to find a suitable answer to life, I will never be happy because I do not possess the capabilities to answer most of life’s questions. That contradiction with my lifestyle originally made me despondent, but upon further reflection I eventually realized that all of the happiest times in my life derived from faith and its practice. Faith cannot be explained, yet it does wonders. It is what you do with what you are taught that makes faith worth while. We are inherently good, so even though faith may not make sense, seems foolish, or sometimes even seems outright wrong, it is what you do with it that takes you one step further in the right direction. So while we may question faith sometimes, in the end none of that accomplishes anything.