“I did not care what it was all about. All I wanted to know was how to live in it. Maybe if you found out how to live in it you learned from that what it was all about.” -Hemingway

In the midst of us falling asleep our genius awakens.

“Fine”, I said

“There’s sugar on the table.”

Soft and sweet.

But hard and grainy like sand.

It falls between my fingers and I watch it dissolve so effortlessly into my morning drink.

Is there ever a day that goes by that I don’t think about it?

And I’ve never been happier than I am

to just sit alone with my thoughts

and my poison

and write whatever my aching heart desires.

No one to judge me

No one to evaluate me

No rules

And sometimes,

No one to listen.

It is not that I become a different person when I write.  No I am the same.

My senses heighten and a deeper, sometimes darker and more mysterious me emerges.

And I embrace every bit of it.

It is not in the middle of the night.

No it is in the wee hours of the morning when it is accessible.

It is very limited; hard to get a hold of.

But the mind?

the mind is limitless!

This ache to write; it is generated by repressed regret of things that I have not said and done.

Sometimes it’s fueled by life’s curve-balls.

And sometimes, it’s fueled by nothingness.

An amazing woman

An amazing person they say…

And more than certainly, I am a woman when I put on that suit and badge

And I go to work

And I work

And surely, I am a woman when I stand up for my loved ones

When I pay my own bills

When I take care of my own shit

And I am in every shape, fit and form, a woman when I smile ever so gracefully at you while I sip on a drink at the bar

Laugh at all of your jokes

Melt your heart with my gaze

And make you warm with the slightest touch

And you see the woman in me when I put myself and loved ones first

When I recognize you have to take heartache with hard work

When I never ask for a dime and never expect to receive any favors.

When I work for everything that I have and feel rewarded afterward because I’ve earned it the hard way.

The world will not bend down on one knee for you.

There are no exceptions.

Who do you think you are?

You’re not special.

He

She

Him

Her

YOU

None of you.

We are all just ants

But me?

I just want to be heard.

In this calloused world, I strive for that opportunity.

In this time, in this generation, in this era:

I am more of a woman than ever.

And not just any woman…