In certain situations, I like talking with a high tone to Kafka (3). And I know, talking loud to the child as bad as hitting (even though our parents first time, raised his voice to his son often considered normal). But, there’s always the urge to raise a voice when Kafka refused to clean up his toys. “You do not hear Mama, huh? Save this train-keretaan back into place, or I’ll throw it in the trash!” Well … does not always give the effect as expected, really.

Habits raised his voice when angry too often done Lani, mother of Bandung. She realizes that her children, Rangga (7) and Daniel (4), often lazy morning. As a result, they always went to school with a rush. He also work around this by doing the preparation since the previous night. He made sure their uniforms are ready and neatly ironed, textbooks for tomorrow has been put into backpacks and lunch boxes were already available on the table? with the provision that stay warmed briefly. What do kids need breakfast only bread he had prepared, wear socks, wear shoes (with adhesive Velcro, so it is more practical and easy to use) and took the backpack.

Hmm … Sounds easy, but it’s not that simple. Something made Daniel whining and strikes to demand his mama. Most often due to be disturbed by your toddler. Until finally Lani compelled to shout to Rangga, “Yes, no, you stop bothering your sister?” The result: Daniel still whining, and crying loudly Rangga.

I (and probably some other mama) have never regretted not speaking loudly to the child. I always promise to myself to never again scold him, especially if I watch the television show Nanny 911. One scene that made my heart ‘melt’ is when a child alone in a corner of her room, in tears, after being scolded by his mama. The look on her face is so pitiful. At that time I commented to myself, “Oh, mama must have been out of line.” But after that, I even make a ‘reality show’ with a shout when Kafka caught doing things I did not like (and then back to regret it).

Many times angry, yelling, and then regret it, did not seem like an effective way to make children understand that we do not like his actions. It is emphasized Patty Dow, a speaker in a parent workshop entitled “How to Master the Positive Discipline Strategies” held at the Montclair Community Pre-K, Montclair, New Jersey. According to Patty, normal that we feel angry when one day your child is engrossed caught grind play dough on the carpet. “But, do not scare your child with cries of, or judgmental, because he will only defend themselves and do not learn from his mistakes.”

Patty Solution: Do not scold a child for these actions. Simply describe the situation you are viewing with descriptive language that is easily understood by children. For example, instead of saying “Why do you love to bother your sister?”, Just say “I see you’re not wearing socks and shoes.” This way, you change the tone of blaming the sentence with the assertion about the things you want them to do. But not only that his tactics. There are 4 other proposed tactics Patty, namely:

Tactics 1
Humble voice
It’s time you lowered his voice! According to Patty, when you want your child to do something, command in a hushed voice and use descriptive language (not by the words of a threat “should not be!”). This will make your child think of you.

This tactic was tried by one participant, Francesca Castagnoli, mother of Conrad (6) and Dashiell (3) who lives in Montclair, New Jersey. Before bed, Conrad and Dashiell had a habit of fighting-beranteman in bed. Dashiell pretend Conrad about to bite back, and in return, Conrad pretending to hit her sister. None of those who remember that it is time to brush teeth.

Francesca is really excited to try the tactic Patty: He bent over, put his head in between the kids who are noisy, and speaking as seriously as possible in a low voice (almost in a whisper), “You two need to brush your teeth while Mama would sing.” Francesca then sing a song of children (of course in a hushed voice), she remembered. For a moment, surprised both the mother did not shout angrily as usual if they make noise. After a stunned for a few seconds, they walked into the bathroom and brush my teeth for nearly two minutes. “I was so happy as to want to feel run down and told David, my husband. But I refrained, and continue to sing in a low voice. This time, I sing songs that describe what things they need to do next: ‘Now, wear piyamamu, and select the book you want to read the story. ” Miraculously, in a low voice, but they got the message clearly. “

Tactics 2
Hiding 15 minutes
One of the most I like coming home from the office is playing with Kafka. But, there are times when I feel very tired and no energy again once set foot in the house. Not to mention facing a series of questions and requests Kafka was so excited to see I’m home. “I want to color the book, Ma!”, “Mama take the cake for me, no?” When I do not like the response he expects, he started acting up, probably to look for my attention. Whether to decorate the wall, or jumping on the bed. It really provoke me to shout.

The second tactic Patty seemed appropriate to work like my mama. According to Patty, after work is when the mother most often shout. The reason, because you seemed to have time for yourself after a day of work. Try this trick Patty: Without knowledge of the child, try to sneak into the house through a side door, went directly to your room. You just simply remain silent in the room, thinking and feeling what you actually need at that time. Is the time you’re hungry, or stressed because of work not yet completed. Perform this meditation for 15 minutes. After that, you definitely will feel much better prepared to deal with children.

This trick has been attempted by Francesca, who is also a writer. One day, she was panic-stricken because he interviewed resource persons should cancel the appointment. And tomorrow is the deadline for the article. In the midst of panic, upon arriving home, her nanny asked permission to leave early. “It was 5pm. After thinking for a while, I was allowed to go home at 5.15. I went straight to the room and called the informant to rearrange the appointment interview. After work, I send an email to my editor to ask for an extension of the deadline. Beres all! I even had time to shower for a while. Exactly 15 minutes later, I was ready to come down and meet the kids. I feel very much in control and ready to face the furor whatever children do, without having to shout. “

Tactics 3
Given his age
On Saturday, where you expect to feel calm in the morning, can also be decorated by the act of the little guy. As experienced Francesca as she was reading comics to Conrad. The younger brother, Dashiell, feeling bored and ignored, took one of Conrad’s Lego toy and threw it onto the floor. Conrad screaming and angry. But, instead of yelling at Dashiell, “Why did you destroy your sister a toy?”, Francesca Dashiell just looked for a moment and said, “Are you only three years old?” to remind himself that the child was 3 years old.

According to Patty, the trick is to alert you immediately how the child will act in accordance with his age. “I am aware, Dashiell 3 years old, and she felt jealous. If I had lived for 36 months on this earth, maybe I will break things when you’re angry. “This is very effective for Francesca and her husband, so he faithfully used this way until now. And most important is how this can work for children at all ages: Baby-kebutan reckless racing his bicycle without a helmet, stay to say, “Are you aged 9 years old?”. Or when your preteen girl asked permission for piercing her nose, say, “Are you 13 years old?”

4 Tactics
Use descriptive language
For Francesca, the most memorable tactics Patty is the concept of using descriptive language that does not threaten. When she discovered her children were ‘busy’ to paint the floor in the playroom, he chose to say “I see splashes of paint on the floor and it made Mama angry because you did not cover the first floor. Now, take a rag and clean!” rather than “Well, who else is who painted the floor of the blue?”

However, descriptive language does need special skills. At first, it is very tiring for Francesca to reprimand an offense with descriptive language that flat and accurate. When Dashiell jump into the bathtub and leave puddles of water very much, he was automatically yell, “What are you doing?” But Francesca, and learned, and hastily said, “Honey, when Mama saw you jump like that, Mama was afraid you were injured, and look, so bercipratan water everywhere. Take a towel and dry the floor, yes!” The more often he does it, it became easy to do. Or when Conrad kick from behind his sister, Francesca can quickly say, “Mama mama look at the child’s pride was more like showing his emotions with violence than with words, and Mama did not like it.”

Well, so you are challenged to get used to using descriptive language, why do not you create rewards for yourself? For example by creating a board filled with a sticker reward each time managed to do it. This method is also used by Francesca, who finally managed to collect seven sticker reward after one week.

PMS has a share?
There are certain days when it seems there is no single tactic that works for Francesca Castagnoli. He is aware that the frequency of shouting and merajuknya far more acute a few days before her menstrual period. He felt they experienced symptoms of PMS is so strong that he is considering to exit the house and check in at hotel for one week. “I need a quick solution. My gynecologist suggested that I take very low dose antidepressants, taken two weeks before menstruation. At first I did not agree with the idea of ​​’treating’ my problem. But when I feel stressed and crying in the parking lot after delivering the children to school, I realized that I need help. “

Three months after taking prescription drugs, Francesca felt he had become a mother and wife better. “A dark side in my heart? that makes me angry often when the children refused to stop hitting each other? has gone. I’m not easily offended by the words of my husband. It was like having emotional restraint and a switch that can scream my own set. Pill, combined with the tactics that I learned from Patty Dow, had ended my habit of screaming. “