Apologies are handed out freely and often on a daily basis, but what do they mean? Are they sincere? What does a true apology sound and feel like?

A true apology  implies that the person is sorry for the results of their actions and a vow that it will not happen again.  It takes time and modeling to teach children how to apologize and what it means. Often times people reach adulthood and have yet to learn what it means. So how can we turn the tide?

~ Model the behavior  ~
There are certainly enough mistakes made in a household, opportunities should be abundant.  Parents should offer sincere apologies to each other in front of the children and to the children.  This is where they learn.

If a parent is not truly sorry and does not intend to stop the offending behavior, they should not bother to apologize.

~ Talk it out ~
Many parents are quick to instruct children to say “I’m sorry”. This does not mean the child understands the meaning. So, talk it out and teach them what it means.

There is remorse involved and a commitment  to change the behavior. Simply apologizing over and over for the same infraction is nothing more than an orchestrated lie. This should not be taught or tolerated.

Let’s take a look at an example of just such a situation, in a real life example. Kali and Marlyn did not get along. They attended the same high school and often had verbal scuffles. Finally, one day Kali punched Marlyn.

All of the parents were brought to the school to see what could be resolved.  After both girls  had explained their side of the story, the Principal determined that if they would simply apologize, three weeks of after school detention would suffice.

Marlyn was to quick to apologize and all eyes turned to Kali. Kali sat silently looking at her hands.  Kali’s mother interrupted the proceedings with a question. “Kali, are you truly sorry?” Kali quietly said, “No, and I would do it again if she said those things.”

Her wise mother taught her a very important lesson that day. “I’m sorry. It  looks like Kali needs to be suspended. Her actions require that and she should have never hit another person. However, I am very proud of her for not telling a lie. She was responsible enough to tell the truth.  I am sure that Marlyn is being honest with her feelings as well.  This is fair for both girls.”

The next time the words “I’m sorry” are said, make certain they are spoken with pure intent and honest feelings.