most people don’t know this but i recently dropped out of beauty school. My excuse was that i was miserable and i thought that the teacher was picking on me. My aunt said the reason that i was being picked on was because i didn’t look like or want to conform to there idea of what cosmetologist looked like. In a weird way we were both right and both wrong and after much thought and consideration i realized my reasons for dropping out were both right and bull shit.

I realized on the first day of class i was way behind even behind the girls who were starting for the first time along with me. they showed up wearing brand new clothes and had on makeup and they looked so much more pretty than me.  i felt so left out because they were having conversations about how excited they were and i tyred anyway i could to fit in but never really did and i know now that in a way it is my own fault that i didn’t fit in because i wasn’t willing to spend as much money on things as they were.

wow as I’m writing this I’m feeling like i let myself down and sold myself short. i couldn’t take the feeling that i was less than and not good enough to be part of that. my husband and i were not able to spend the money on items that were required for class but the funny thing about that is i had asked before i even started the class in fact i asked three months prior to starting what i needed for class and was told that everything would be in my kit but oh how wrong i was. instead of giving me a list which she did on the first day of class of things that went in the kit she just expected me to be able to go and buy the things on the list the day after class started ha ha ha what a funny joke on little ole unemployed me and my disabled husband that was

than after i borrowed the money from my pastor and went and got as much as i could, i was than told that i needed to have money for a name tag. but don’t forget that i am unemployed and could barely afford to keep food in my house we were expected to drop every thing and run right out and get one (just for a little inside joke don’t ever order one from office depot we did and it never arrived and when i got home and looked at the receipt it was spelled wrong).