I am tired of the people that ammuse themselves by irritating others. It is most common among young men, you know, like teenage boys. I am one person who is not allowed to express myself the way I am used to. I am grounded from almost everything I use to cope. My sketch books, the majority of my journals. All I have left is this website, and I can only get on this at school because it’s one of the rare sites that aren’t blocked from the school computers.

I am not even allowed to go to my older sister’s wedding. My foster mother makes it seem like she doesn’t want me to go through the emotional termoil of ghost from my horrid past. My mother is that ghost. She put me through hell, and now it seems like that is all I can do for others. Make them miserable, put them through hell. I miss my freedom. I miss my life, and I miss my old self. I used to be an optomistic, joyful, positive, friendly girl that loved life. I now feel as though I hate life. I hate it almost to the extent of hating anything else in the world.

I guess I do hate one thing more. I hate being seperated from my little sister by six states. I am on the northern side of America and my baby sister is on the south side. I guess you could say I feel as a mother would if she were to be unable to see her child. I was quite similar to a mother to my little sister than our own mother was.

I am just easily irritated. I am one person who can not manage her anger, I can only ignore it, and that only lasts so long before it comes out as one great burst of frustration, anger and irritation.

I am very short tempered, I guess. My mother used to tell me I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder or BPD. I guess it is possible…who knows, huh?