I am 70 wanting to be 17. Help me decide if I have the right to love again.
Image via Crunch Base
He is my man on the other side of silence, a bachelor when we tied our hearts with a kiss. I was twenty -three, (he was twenty-five) too young to be tied down to an empty marriage but which I would not walk away from because I had two kids.
We were working at a local radio station in Leyte, Philippines– he a newscaster, I a disc-jockey. I wondered why when I was on board, Danny often requested me to play the song ”Unspoken”. It seemed to me that he was requesting it for me and I was playing it for both of us. My body would vibrate at his nearness and I had eyes only for him. Was this love the second time around? I wished to goodness I would become cross-eyed, at other times I prayed for a miracle for me to become neutered because I was getting emotionally disturbed. I often had indigestion. That was a sign that I wasn’t supposed to go farther. He was a forbidden fruit, I was a good girl, seeing to it that I would not trespass. But, it always happened every day: I was always remotely activating my disturbed feelings. He was tall, brown, with Filipino-American features, his calm disposition and soothing voice like the “call of the wild ” as Jack London would put it. God, why are some people irresistible?
Ihad not been kissed properly for a year by my husband and my young animal body resented it. So, I researched what to do under such a disturbing situation. The book said, embracing provides the body with oxytocin, a “bonding hormone” that reduces stress, one that helps you unwind. “Hug it out. Touching makes you healthy”, certainly not an unreasonable suggestion when frustration and disappointment are factored in.
One night while we were taping our individual programs, Danny put a small piece of paper on my hand. “Let’s get out of here.” Magnetized, I followed him into the darkness. We kissed, sky the limit, one taste provoking another. I felt I was closest to heaven at the strange realization that he was everything I never knew but had always wanted, the guy who would provide me with the bonding hormone my whole body needed.
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