Krakatoa – or a puckered bung hole? via Wikipedia

Its time had come, pure and simple. A diet consisting solely of cabbage juice and baked beans on top of toasted lentil bread had lead to an intestinal monster so beastly that not even the great sulphurous demons of hell could have conceived it. Like most things great or extraordinary however, an introduction – a fan fare if you will – was warranted and this event was to be no exception. It began with a rumble in the lower intestines that bounced off of a compacted faecal mass at the entry of the rectum. The rumble thus moved back up the intestinal track until it found another dense matter of latent expulsion. On its journey back and forth between these excremental mirrors, the rumble was reinforced in a laser like fashion so that eventually the defecate gas precursor formed a standing wave of increasing power. When enough energy had been generated the noise exploded from my anus with a force greater than that which destroyed Krakatoa.

This noise however was more than a mere announcement. It caused the molecules in the air to vibrate at a resonant frequency that caused the various dimensional elements of the supernatural universe to merge for an instant. I could peer through the veil of physical reality and saw various creatures of the lower astral planes in an orgy of rage and destruction. I saw angels, somewhat surprised at this unexpected vergence of the realms, and countless other beings of indescribable splendour. Heaven and Hell had for an instance merged and for even a briefer period of time I was able to conceive the entire Universe and the meaning of all creation. Thankfully however, before the experience could totally destroy my mind and plunge me into a pit of madness and despair, the harbinger of that which was to come ended nearly as sharply as it begun.

The lower Gastrical tracks took some time to regain their composure as they pumped and tightened all the available gaseous faecal matter to a single point. The gas was of an extremely high excitation, and therefore no amounts of pressure could entice it to solid form. Instead, a flash point was reached, and the e-coli methane cloud formed a plasma soup of faecal ions moving near the speed of light. At this point the momentous mega fart escaped from my puckered bung hole into our present reality.