To the general manager of yum food industries/KFC,

                My name is Fletch  and I am convinced that I am the most qualified candidate that you will ever come across to work at any one of your kfc stores. I have on many occasions carefully watched the staff members currently employed at kfc stores across Australia and I feel  that with no more training than a poorly acted out safety video and perhaps a few instructions on how to double coat the smaller pieces of chicken I could become one of the greatest employees that kfc has ever underpaid. I have opted not to include my resume but instead have listed the reasons I should be rushed to the top of your hiring list.

1, Whenever a customer orders a 3 piece feed, I will always give them 2 pieces of chicken instead of the paid for 3.

2, If a customer somehow notices their missing piece and questions me about it, I will always sigh loudly (as if it’s not my fault) and then ask them what they would like me to do about it (as if giving them the missing piece is not the obvious option)

3, I will always make sure I swear out the back of the restaurant just loud enough for customers to hear me but not quite loud enough for them to feel the need to complain. This also goes for speaking in a different language to my foreign co-workers.

4, I will always wear pants to work that are 4 sizes too big for me, not so they are hanging low around my waist but more so because my pants will then always hang over my shoes and get all ripped and grimy and customers will be able to see that I’m too busy making the world’s best chicken to worry about menial tasks like cleaning the floor.

5, If chips are not available I will tell my customer that it will be a 2 minute wait, I will then proceed to serve 7 more customers and ask them all to wait to the side. I will forget to bring all of them their chips.