6, If only one register is open and a queue of customers develops I will under no circumstances assist by opening a second register. I will instead continue to chat with my co-workers…..in a foreign language other than the swear words we always say in English.

7, If a customer asks me for a Pepsi as their drink will tell them we have run out. I will never let the customer find out our secret…..we have never had Pepsi.

8, When customers order an upsized meal I will always try and give them a can of drink instead of the bottle they paid for.

9, I will never ever clean any of the tables during my employment at kfc. If the customers want to sit down they can clean the tables themselves. This will free up my time for more important tasks like squashing the bread rolls so we can fit more in those big silver drawers.

10, Whenever I take my break I will sit on the outdoor tables and smoke some cigarettes. I will also make sure a whole mob of my buddies come down to visit me. When a customer attempts to walk into the store, we will stare at them.

11, As customers attempt to make their order I will wait for them to ask for everything they want before I give them a dazed look and then ask “what was the first thing you said”?

12, When working the drive through I will tell people to wait a moment. They don’t know how long a moment is and I can do what I want for 5 minutes.

13, When working in the drive through, I will always forget  a few items of peoples meals. Preferably their large chips. When they drive back around and ask for their missing food I will pretend I wasn’t the same guys who just served them.

14, Whenever we run out of chicken and customers start complaining I will act like it’s no big deal and tell them to order a burger. How will they ever find out that we didn’t really run out of chicken we just can’t be bothered making anymore because its 8pm on a Friday night and we close at 11?

15, I will at no time give any customer I serve a single moist towl or napkin. If they want one they can ask for it and even then I will make out like I’m doing them a big favour.

16, Any family that orders a large bottle drink will not be supplied with any cups. There just going to leave them lying around on the tables anyway.

17, If someone has any less than 18 items in a takeaway order I won’t offer them a bag I will just slide the food across the counter and impolitely say “have a nice day.”

18, I will always serve my friends before any ‘real’ customers.

19, If someone asks me for  10 pack of chicken a requests all drumsticks I will tell them it’s not our policy but I will give it to them anyway so every other customer in the store at that time knows they are going to miss out.

20, I WILL steal, from the registers, customers, cars in our car park, co-workers, anyone.

Thank you for taking the time to read my application I tried to keep it a brief as possible as I’m sure you are very busy thinking of more and more ways to resell the same products in a different form or box. I have many more qualities not included here which I’m sure you will witness in my face to face interview such as my inability to smile or use any manners at all when dealing with people. I hope to hear from you soon.

                                                 Fletch Sux.