The inward thoughts of a girl who has spent all of her life in quest for the love of her dreams. Every “door” she knocks is a heart of a guy she has liked in her lifetime but was not reciprocal.
She was very young when she started to knock at doors.
She would stand by a door and knock it. Sometimes for a week. Sometimes for months. Sometimes for years.
She couldn´t understand why these doors never were opened to her. Sometimes she would look back and be thankful that some of these doors were never opened. But oftentimes, her heart just had to bear one more time the reality of disappointment.
She didn´t randomly chose which doors to knock. Quite honestly, she would much rather not knock at doors at all. Although she was aware that exterior appearance would oftentimes deceive. She knew that some interior traits were pictured in the exterior. So, these doors she knocked at were doors that were inviting, even intriguing at times. Doors which she longed to walk through and enjoy the fascinating world these doors were protecting.
And although she would faithfully remain knocking at the door, although she would beg with all her being, she found herself walking away in defeat. Sometimes because these doors were never opened, or because they were opened to someone else. Whether this other person had knocked as long as she had or not, or whether this other person had knocked at all.
Time after time she had to face the reality of loneliness, of failure, and of rejection. She often wondered, ¨how much longer do I have to keep on knocking at doors?¨ And a question she refused to ask, but found herself asking it quite often, ¨will a door ever be opened for me?¨
And so she went through her life, with unanswered questions and hoping she din´t have to face yet another unopened door.
(August 13, 2008)
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