the blood you’ve spilled leaves traces and lines of smearsbehind as it leaves my body my heart from all the tiny cutsand gashes you strip away what was yours and mineand in the holes that are left, you fill with fears.i am poisoned, beaten, and defeated;i rise only to have the process repeated.your sarcasm and condescension flay my emotionsas you attempt to slay mefrom your lips to my ears takes but a secondthen i recoil from your attack i reckonedthat you would stop then but you will not…a hollow empty rage has inflamed me afterall of your vain and bloody attempts to tame me.where once i loved you madly you are nowcontent with treating me badly.the last three nights have been ugly, brutal, and longand your words like bullets rip into me at the speed of sound.all i ever wanted (doesn’t matter anymore)was to live in a house that wasn’t haunted…what i wouldn’t give to feel someone place a handon my back, my shoulder or my neck or brushmy cheek with a gentle touch?should i stand up for myself, be bolder?am i too damn weak?or am just asking too much?you’ve been gone all day and i wonder if you will come backbecause you’ve been so useful in pointing outeverything i lack.fine, whatever, go ahead and domesticate methis involuntary celibacy is a slow spiritual castration.should i be more grateful? for all this hellish hateful strife?this is not the life i chose for myself:one man against a nation.i was never meant to bear the weight of so much painand so much hate.i have forgotten what it felt like to be lovedto be understood, to have the last word,or to ever be right.looks like you get off on raking me over the coalsevery day every night.you win.you have worn me down and torn me down.you have won it all.you have marched and blown your trumpets andthe stones of my confidence and characterhave fallen like Jericho’s wall.by Jefferson Brian Holbrook