Warning; Scenes of an execution, dark humor, and a horrible pun.

“McClain!”

The voice of Jailor. He’s always nice to me, except when he can’t be. This the last time I will hear Jailors voice, and its in his command voice. Good. Nothing else suits him. I stand up.

“You’ve seen me do it before McClain. Back to the bars.”

They tie the rope around my hands. It was… uncomfortable. But, my comfort is not their concern. Jailor made it his concern, but no one else would. Or could. I cannot blame them.

“Right. Walk forward, keep your back to us.”

I follow without pause. There are two things I’m good at. Following orders, and thinking. I’m smart. I know that there would be nearly thirty ways for me to escape during the procession. I wouldn’t follow them. No point. Besides, the good people came to see a man die today. No need to disappoint them.

The walk up, and turn me around. I’m surrounded, no way to escape till the cell door. And there it is. I could kill one man, and knock out the jailor and his other help. No problem. I don’t. I am resigned to my fate. Besides, there is only one thing I could do that would surprise them. Go through with it. And that’s what I will do.

I walk the last mile. Jailor beings to speak.

“I’ve followed your instructions. If you want to postpone the execution with this, it won’t work.”

I shake my head. Jailor can be so silly at times.

“I do not fear death. Do you want the truth? I’m curious. Curious to see what will happen. Will I see a bright light, then be cast to hell forever? Will I be accepted into the kingdom? Will I be reborn as a snail? The son of a rich businessman? Only one way to find out.”

Jailor buys that. Of course he will. He knows me. We were friends, before I was sentenced. But even then, he was Jailor. Never anyone else, because Jailor is all Jailor can be.

“There is a priest. If you have any questions or want a prayer, you can ask him.”

I blink. This must be a formality. He knows I don’t believe, only that I don’t discount. I shrug. I pause.

“Jailor… can you do a dieing man a favor?”

Jailor pauses. “Of course. What do you ask?”

“My blindfold; remove it, please.”

Jailor seems to wonder, shrugs, and takes it off. I open my eyes. No point. I can’t see.

“Thank you, my friend. This means more than you can imagine.”

Jailor doesn’t ask. The rest of the mile, we are silent. I smile the entire time. Through my blindness, even I know they are uncomfortable. That’s good. More fun.

I feel the hot sun upon my skin. Its lovely. They walk me upon the gallows. The too long rope is placed around my neck. It becomes even longer when it is fitted properly. Jailor reads off the charges. My smile becomes more full with each passing second. The people must think that I enjoy my crimes being read. I do not. And now, something I do not want happens, causing me to lose my smile.

“My son, listen to me, redemption is never from the hands of the living man! Renounce Satan and his evil ways, accept God into your heart, and you may be accepted into His kingdom!”

Jailor is angry. I know it. I speak, before he ruins this situation, which serves as unintended fun.

“Dear priest… If you god truly exists, why are there men like me?”

That brings anger. It is obvious. Jailor has to intervene, before the priest becomes the executioner.

“Micheal McClain! Have you any words before the end?”

This is where Jailor expects the worst. And he is right. I don’t speak. I begin to laugh. I laugh and laugh and laugh, till tears are brought to my eyes. And still I laugh. Jailor must get tired of it though, because I feel a sudden drop, a quick stop, and a jarring motion… My head feels as if it flies for a few seconds, feeling beyond the neck gone. I quickly plaster the most joyous smile I can upon my face, before the final throes of death have me in their clutches. And this is how I die; Laughing my head off. I can just see it in the history books.