When does it happen? You know that moment when everything in your life changes but yet goes unnoticed until it’s too late to do much about it. It happens in such a way as to deceive us? I don’t think so. I think we just don’t pay attention to it or we slide by in blissful self-denial. I wish I knew the truth. All I know is it happened to me when I wasn’t looking and now I have to deal with the outcome. Not that I’m terribly unhappy or anything I just want something better but am having a hard time knowing what that is or what exactly it is I want. I know I sound like a confused mess and maybe I am but I think I just need to find a sign or something to point me in the right direction.

What are we supposed to do with our lives anyway? I am so sick of hearing, “Do what makes you happy” , or “Live life to the fullest”. What if you don’t have the slightest clue what really makes you happy or what the fullest might be? Who said these in the first place and more important are they happy? I’ll bet not. People who spew out these sort of lines intended to help us are merely trying to trying to make themselves feel better or have some sort of complex need to be important. That is my opinion anyway. I wish it was as easy as that but it isn’t, for me at least. Anyone who tells you this type of simple philosophy works is lying to you and themselves.

How can we fix ourselves once we finally come to realization that we’re on the wrong track? I’m not sure I can answer that. I can only look back at my own experience and try to find the defining moment that changed everything. As of yet I haven’t found it. I am close I think. Then again I might be delusional. How would one know if they were in fact delusional or not? I guess if you think you are you probably aren’t. I remember somewhere in the back of my mind hearing that. Weather I am or not I have to figure out what happened to my life. I know the answer is there I just need to see it and act on it.

Wouldn’t you know it just thinking about changing my ways in some fashion changed my ways and my life. It seems that the unknown moment that start you on a road of loss can also begin things anew. It happened under my nose without me noticing. Once again I am dumbfounded by the mysteries of life. At least things are on the right track now even if I don’t know how they happened. Am I that blind as to move through time taking what comes my way or am I just like everyone else trying to struggle through our lot in life? Who if anyone has the answer to that question? I surly will never know. Let me know if you find out.