Tomorrow starts Day 1 of my X-mas break here in NYC. I am a 17 year old (Brooklyn) girl, living in Queens, who is currently going through the college process. I have been living under a rock for the past 3.5 months, trying to stay afloat with all my college applications, homework, and extracurricular activities. FREEDOM (!!) is here now, and so I am going to try and do all the things I’ve wanted to do for a while (read:ever), and document them here.

They are:

1) Transition to Vegeterianism, then to Veganism, (then to raw food). 

I’ve tried switching from my current diet straight to raw food several times, and I’ve always failed. However, for health reasons, of both me and my family, I think it would be most prudent of me to make this change now in my life, instead of later. Yes, I will for sure miss chicken, goat (especially curried), bacon. Not so much red meat since I don’t eat it much anyway. Actually, this might not be so hard, the first segment at least. The hard part will be giving up my eggbeaters, my muffins. Egg products in general. 

2) Write a something everyday.

A something meaning something I could will actually share with others. I haven’t read an original work at Poetry Club in a while, and I’ve never my personal work with more than 6-7 friends. I know that I have this spirit that would make me good at performing (spoken word), but I just haven’t found that affirmation, that confidence that makes me think that what I share will be appreciated by people en masse.

3) Hmmm. Confidence. I lol. I have very little. And it’s tearing me up inside-I actually imagine chaos manifested in tanged streams of light shooting around the inside of my head. It stems a lot from my physical appearance. The most prominent angle to me is my weight. I am 75 pounds above where I want to be, and above the 200 mark as a 17yr old. I’ve always been heavy, and have been through numerous phases where I get on a “health kick” and lose 5 pounds, but I always gain it back when I return to the stressful grind of school. I am going to exercise everyday for at least 1 hour. Means whatever kind I want, but for one hour per day. 

4)I’m going to go out and see friends. I’ve been holed up in my habits for the past few months, as I said, and I need (desperately) to socialize, to chill, to dance, to have fun. Especially since I’m a high-school senior. 

5)In the midst of that going out, I’m going to open myself up a bit more. Or try at least-I won’t push too much. I feel like this will come with repeated #3 and #1. But, I am quite an isolatory person. I am usually alone in my house, and I get very used to that being alone thing, and can be a bit adverse to changing me, or to adding new friends. But the thing is, that is the TOTAL opposite of how college is going to be. Might as well get some good practice in now and let myself meet new people and become friends with them. 

These are my resolutions. They aren’t New Year’s Resolutions, although in a way they are, since I more or less make similarly-themed ones every year. But these are simply changes I want to make with myself. The moniker of New Year’s seems to set people up for eventual disappointment, for people who want to get healthy “lasting” a week or so, and then quitting after a day off, letting a small mistake legitimize their perceived “failures” at their respective goals. A goal is something to work towards, and since there is always work to be done, one cannot just relinquish the goal because of a period of inefficiency. I’m going to make these changes. They’re realistic, sustainable, and rational.

Yay me!!