For all these years I have had depression, not once has someone actually diagnosed me with what type of lunacy I have. So, I know I have this disease. I know it plagues my every fibre, but yet its like no one knows a cure. Its funny how when a new disease comes up or a bacteria, clinical and scientific trials are carried out. With depression, an age old disease, there is no cure. Well, there isn’t! Admit it! There is medication to numb the pain, and there is therapy to sit and talk about it, but there isn’t a cure!

I remember in the 80’s and 90’s when HIV and aids was in the media spot light, it was like the bubonic plague had set about again. People who didn’t educated themselves in the disease thought just a kiss and you could get it. Its an ignorance that people chose because of fear.. and the same for depression. Lots of people are scared and ignorant of it. Some have it and deny it. Some have it, and are proud to scream it from the roof tops. A lot of people use it to describe how crappy they are feeling. I don’t use the terminology at all. I just say i am on medication for anxiety. The word ‘depression’ is used too loosely.

My life with being doom and gloom began a long time ago. I know it did when i look back, but its put down to things like.. sulking or being arsey. I remember being 9 and wanting to actually run away. I planned it all in my head, where i would go, and what i would take. And why did i want to run away? I thought no one wanted me. Come to think of it, i still think no one wants me… not really.

So as far as medication goes, I have tried a few! My head has enjoyed some and not others. At the moment, my head is on holiday. Its on the island of Fluoxetine (Prozac). Its a damn enjoyable holiday. Its cozy and comfortable and i like it. the only problem is the memory loss.. well its not really a problem as i enjoy the memory loss. I hate being able to remember things. I remember colours, smells and even tiny details. Its almost like i have a photographic memory camcorder in my head. Its like the G.O.L.D channel, everything on constant repeat. The same scenarios playing over and over again until my head feels like its going to pop. So at the moment, i am what i called Numb. I am comfortably numb!