An explanation to women on behalf of all men everywhere.
Achievement: By completing hard tasks such as going to the gym and making your head look out of proportion in comparison to the rest of your body means you get man points. There are plenty of difficult things for a man to do that women would find attractive, wrestling a Bear with your bare hands is a good one to get them going.
Fornication: By far and away the hardest man points to obtain, unless you’re banging fuglies left, right and centre, in which case it doesn’t count and you’re doing yourself no favours at all. Pretty women aren’t easy and as we all know men literally see each woman as a goal with a hole, or something like that. If you spend enough time around manly men they will tell you: “I’ve hit that” and point to an attractive woman, usually no one has the balls to go up and ask to confirm, so this can be an easy one to cheat with.
The only way to tally up the man points that have been acquired is simply by having a man-off and see how well you do. I’ve recently been losing some man points by recognising actors who have appeared in episodes of Sex In The City, but it got balanced out by quoting some classic Arnie lines later that day. There are many easy ways to lose man points, being caught reading Heat is one of the bigger sins and may make your thingy fall off, so you have to be careful with this. Reading the problem pages in front of other men and mocking it is alright, as long as the other men laugh WITH you. However this is a dangerous endeavour and probably best left alone. Possibly the biggest loss of man points is not saying “I love you” to a girl or owning hamsters, of which I am guilty, but the ladies like them so if anything I gain a couple of points there, but being caught alone, modelling women’s underwear and clothing in a full length mirror. There can be no bigger shame, well perhaps being caught at the urinals looking at another man’s penis.
So there you have it ladies, men aren’t bastards intentionally, just naturally, and it’s not you we’re trying to annoy, we’re either just bored or competing for you with other men. If anything women should be flattered by all this attention. I am still trying to figure out what women points are, if anyone finds out and can tell me the points system please let me know. Oh and if it involves rom com’s, ice cream and pink pyjamas I’d rather be left out of the loop, since all men believe women when together behind closed doors are only doing soft core lesbian antics semi naked. I think my concept of the world of women is going to come crashing down after this.
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