being in a relationship that is complicated from the start, might not last long.
being in a relationship that is like a marriage is worth while.
you may think me to young to understand what it feels like to be in a marriage.
or acknowledge the fact a relationship can be built on complication.
my relationship is complicated.
my relationship is built on trust.
my relationship is a partnership.
my relationship is a marriage.
my relationship is my whole world.

i’ve spent 17 months of my life, in your arms and looking into your blue eyes.
and i wouldn’t have it any differently.
the way we got together was through complication, but you saved me.
i never told anyone the story for which we got together.
and i am not embarressed or shy to say that your my hero.
throughtout my life, i have always been the one person to help the others.
want good things for the next person.
but is not selfish or able to let anyone in and let them know my demons.

that day i feel apart.
the day i got my heart broken and felt asif i was forever shattered.
i rang you up at 3 in the morning and cried for 2 hours.
i held the teddy that i can’t hold anymore – all i hold is yours.
5 days later i got off the train from leeds train station and you met me.
you held me for a good 10 minutes before saying, shall we go home.
no one was home and we sat in your lounge and laid on your chouch.
i cried for 2 hours and your shirt was soaking and you tried to make me laugh and hint at an innocent smile.
your favourite shit, that i bought you was now ruined and you were complaining.
and i thought i had worries.
when i finally stopped crying. i still didn’t feel together.
i didn’t feel whole.
we sat in silence for what seemed hours and i kept playing with your hands.
i grabbed your arm and made it cover me.
you kissed my forehead and everything felt a little better.
we sat for ever more in that same spot, until you said, right were getting a shower.
i was so stunned and drew back. i couldn’t feel anything.
i felt numb. i didn’t know how to take that comment. i didn’t know what you meant.
i had never taken a shower with anyone before. especially a boy.
you dragged me up and carressed my waist and lead me up stairs.
tears fled down the side of my red cheaks.
you held me tighter and guided me up the well trodern carpet.
i tried to get my clothes off but was in such a state i fumbled.
you helped me like a child. i felt so stupid, but i cried more.
you left my boxers and bra on and turned the shower on.
leaving me standing there you tried the water and waited until it was warm.
you led me into the shower and as it kissed my skin i just stood there.
then you got in.
shocked but unable to speak i just hugged you.
you lifted up my chin with you warm hands and wiped the water away from my eyes.
you moved away from hair and kissed me. so softly i can still feel your lips when i’m sad.
i knew then the feelings would come back.
then i just slowly lean towards you, kissed your chest and laid my head onto it.
you hugged me and let the water caress each other.

after this period of time.
we got out and dried eachother.
i felt like everything had been washed away, and that everything seem clearer.
i put on my spear clothes and laid on your bed, and spoke for hours about what this all meant.
what we would promise eachother.
then as i slowly drifted into a deep sleep, and knew that i would never forget this.
you leaned over and whispered into my ear and said, “i can never be without you. i have always loved you”
that was the moment i knew we would be in eachother’s lives forever.