I am very excited about Ebay.  But I dont know how to get my first sale first in the selling arena of ebay!  Once I know how to sell things, I need to find the right things to sell.  I need to look for the things that have a lot of bets on them!  Like Jon’s mom sold the dolls.  I didnt get my victoria secret perfume yet.  But I gave her the money early on which was bad.  Now she doesnt have to send it!  I am going to make rings and bracelets out of beads I bought on ebay for a dollar.  No shipping!

I feel like I am tired now, but I don’t want to go to my bed.  My eyes feel dry and heavy, but I don’t want to listen to these facts or urges.  If I just go to bed, then I will get over it.  I will eventually go to bed anyway, so why not go along with my body, unless I want to discipline my body into a challenge of seeing whether or for how long I can stay up!  I imagine something does not want me to go on Writing!  I think it is jealous that I will learn knowledge.  It would be fun to use things that I see and change it into something that is fun for me to think about by making up things about it.  It is easy to use things that I know and have come across and put it together in an idea I made up for it!

I liked THE STRUGGLE of managing my finances when I have little.

Do I know why things work the way they do?  I know I get a check every month to see what I will do with it.  Soon it will get smaller.  I need to use it for meds, and for groceries, and for investments!  I will invest my money into ebay.  And I will write out how I use my time!  Or maybe just overall I will know what I’ve gotten involved in since I feel lazy a lot.

Maybe I can find a better explanation or way based on my new findings.  What am I finding?  If I dont know, then I am waiting for a finding to come to my consciousness.  Things and ideas are given to me.  I dont know exactly how it is given to me, except through being conscious of what people believe and how things work based on what I have learned from other people!  Like from the Dictionary!  Or from books, magazines, or tv or radio or from talking back and forth with people!  Getting their opinions.  Most people think alike, which is good.  Most people like what I love.

Even when confused, one should write out their ideas, which will eventually find shape.  I find it confusing to not know what I am writing and I find that challenging, because I like to have a direction.  I only want to know what journals in my past equals something I can use Today.  OR what is still relevant today.  I almost gave up at finding a wholeness for my journals, for I do not have a vision for my journals as an entirety!  But I will find a use for them.  I can try to find an Organizational way of putting my Journals together.  This is a feat maybe too big for me.  It is a challenge.  I want to just throw away and get rid of all my journals and books, and clothes.  The stuff is what makes up my room’s cozyness.  I need to be surrounded by stuff to have ideas and not an empty mind in an empty room. I get inspired mostly by other words and ideas.
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I want to figure out my Dictionary Game!  When I use the Dictionary, I want to change what I find into something personal and meaningful…and this can be used to change my life for the more interesting way to live a more fun life!  I am not for what is in the dictionary alone which doesnt give really a coherent whole.  I want to use it to come up with conclusions in ideas.  Further ideas than the dictionary holds or the authors of the dictionary know!  So many people have many different ideas and each live their own way, not liking or liking each other.  Instead of being moved to and fro by their opinions and ways, I’d like to create my own and stick to it and be nonmoving and have fights to defend what I believe.  OR at least know what I want from each situation and from life, and THEN agree based on this bottom line to find direction in life and know where I want to go!  Words themselves tell me nothing about the world.  It is how it is used into a whole with other key words that help me to make a world in my mind that makes sense!  What makes sense?  It can be a fantasy, a fiction, it doesn’t have to be real!  In fact it is more fun to think about when it isn’t real!  I want to hear a story using all the words that I know, a world that is more beautiful than what I previously knew!
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Just keep on doing what you Know Now that works for You.  I will be a studious writer Even when tired, when lagging behind, keep working!  It is worth it.  You really enjoy to write overall.  And to no end in mind.  Just to write.
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I write what interests me, but I do not have a subject to write about, and I delve into making prenotes already for the first draft, or predraft.  My first goal is to stay in the chair.  Always keep your writing IN THE PRESENT.  How am I to create a point of view?  I have opinions that I have and don’t understand why, and then there’s other things where I don’t know why I don’t know anything or don’t have an opinion on it.  I need more specifics in order to follow instructions of what to do.  I don’t know what I want yet so I don’t want to make instructions.  I will discuss something that will be able to be taken several days at least, and several years even.  I don’t think my journals have enough clarification or specifics, so I can analyze them and make it longer based on current thinkings of what I agree upon that inspires me.  I will write a commentary upon my previous journals, and write something new about it.  Then I can throw away the previous journals, and start with a clean slate, but I rather not throw them away because they have added dimension as memories of things I bought in my old life.
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I feel that I do not want to be sophisticated in knowing worldly sophistication so that people trust me more and think me naive so that they accept me earlier on.  I have an object of response that I am hoping for in treating someone a certain way.  In some cases I don’t want to think it through.  I only want the next step in my mind.  Always keep it improvisational and fresh!  But that can be dangerous.  With my friend, I want to go to go out with him, because he brings me happiness and companionship which I am thankful for.  He also treats me out, and I get to feel blessed by treating him out as well.  I don’t care for the audiobooks copies but I want to see if he will make it for me anyway.  I am starting to think he never will.  He is not like me, where I would have made copies of all of them already.
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I feel, maybe it is about time that I go towards some writing goals.  Like writing for story contests to win.  It is also fun to write whatever comes to mind too find out what I am expressing and where I am at this stage of my life.  I don’t like helping those in need when it comes to community events.  I don’t know why.  Perhaps I want to focus on my own life instead, and getting ahead of the masses.  How am I to help myself without first knowing where I want to be?  And once there, I need to go further in progress, and then write about that and discover it some more and analyze it.  I am a being who is focused upon my ambitions for myself.  I think in learning new knowledge, I will be able to help the community in that way.  Working on community projects in the world is not the way I want to help because it is physical labor when I am more inclined towards the Mind.  I don’t want to incline my writings and findings based upon anyone else’s audience except for Myself.  I will be the only one learning from my own findings.  And later, if anyone wishes to follow what I have found, so be it.  But I am not writing FOR anyone else but myself. I will only continually write what is relevant for me at each moment.  I hate clutter on my computer so I deleted everything.
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The bottom line is the purpose means you will do anything in order to get your purpose done, your desired effect accomplished.  Well, it is not fun for me to accomplish purposes.  In fact I hate accomplishing tasks and marking them off because I always have to come up with more things.  Perhaps I was rushing myself.  I should not have to come up with something to accomplish.  It should come naturally.  Or I can play a game where I think up things I want to do in order to understand the nature of the universe, and then check what works and what does not, and write my findings down!  Knowledge only because nobody has the time or patience to find things out about our universe, or at least of our times.  So I am wondering what I can do in order to find out how the universe works.  I want to experiment only in the realm of ideas and writing.  Something that I can do purely in my mind, or on type, or in reading in books.  I will just keep reading for more inspiration.  And I do not know what will happen in the course of my writing, but I will keep on revising it and deleting things that don’t interest me throughout time instead of keeping on publishing or printing out my pages and never getting to it because it does not interest me anymore. 
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(I felt tempted to sleep again.)  I wonder if there is something about the way we write that is caused by the Muses.  Maybe our minds work a certain way.  IN what way do I like to write that inspires me the most?  My problem is I have too much writing and not enough revising of the things I write in order to create things that are Better.  I just keep and continue writing more and more, that I even enjoy, but which goes towards nothing.  Nobody reads it, but that is a good thing, because I want to hog the information!

I WANT TO PUT MY JOURNALS AND INFORMATION AND FINDINGS TO GOOD USE! 

In what kind of use?

What good use is this kind of journaling info?  To write a novel?  To better understand myself?  To master the universe?  What is the point in mastering writing.  I want to write a philosophy book for myself.  I want to build a collection of writing that I actually want.  (I don’t want my old journals anymore because they are stupid and shallow and full of lies and foolishness.)
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Selling on ebay is my way of spending money because I love to use my money!  At least I can call it an investment. 
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There are some old journal writings that are actually interesting, and kind of spacey too.  I’d call it transcendental or spiritual writings.  OR fantasy.  But the kind of writing I am doing now is more down to earth, and based on a critical thinking book’s inspiration.  Right.  So I wanted to make use of my writing.
The world is interested in so many things I am not interested in.  People do not know about what I am specifically interested in.  They go about their merry way, thinking on physical material things and objects and events in person, and I want to stay in my room, reading from inspiring texts, and making my own assertions about what it is to write and think as a being like myself.  I think this quite narcissistic, or maybe that is a negative view of what is possibly good.  I don’t want to talk to people about my beliefs because I don’t wish to change or share them with others.  They will just agree stupidly, or state their own opinions and think they’re know it alls, or they will agree with me and treat the info as if they knew it all along.  And so, I don’t want to share my information.  I only want to use it for myself in secret, and keep it secret, and use it to advance in my life the way I seek. 
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I could buy a new laptop for when this one gets older. 
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What does a person do when they stay in their room?  They think and write and read.  They figure out things…like how to make good use of their time THEIR way.  I would have to work on deep thoughts.  I would like to make deep thoughts.  I would have to use my imagination and not just state what is already stated.  I would be a Creator!  Yay!  I love to create and be original.  It would be fun to think about a fictional universe that I actually kept track of!  Like that I wrote down facts about my fictional world.  I would like to make it not a fantasy genre, but a fiction that uses ideas they know and puts it together into ways they do not know, in a fictional theoretical way of my own making.  I can make up Ideas!  It is not so much a story as in myths of how things are in this universe.  The universe I create is the story’s world.  The story is the theory.  How is a theory a story?  It is theoretical meaning it explains the nature of the world we live in, but it is not the truth necessarily, because I made it up.  But the fun part would be to find theories that ARE truth, based on my own testing of the universe based on the theories!  So I am like a scientist, or a kind of philosopher who makes up different subjects of Thought!  Like science, and educational subjects that sprung forth from philosophy in the past!  SO I will follow my Blissful subjects and Thoughts, and find out a new subject from it and what can be found BY it.

I write not to make money, but because I enjoy it.  Maybe making money can be my uninterested project or subject for my writing.  I can have the subject of wealth knowledge, since money is manageable and a material object that I can count and measure to see whether my knowledge is real or not in terms of the nature and laws governing money and the world.  I could want all my knowledge to be about Money.  How to spend money in ways that can achieve happiness.  And my goal is how to make the most money I can, enjoyably creating it and feeling as if it is not work.  Meaning for me, easily.  I like ebay because it takes little effort to just put up an auction and see if it sells.  But I’d like to buy and resell objects on ebay.  And I’d like to know which objects sell best.  How am I to recognize this?  But I do not want to talk about my re-discovering ebay right now.