BREAKING NEWS

By

H.A.Plessly

Our on-the-spot business correspondent

New Company gives us interactive games that are ‘out of this world’!

ZukeCom , the recently established computer software company that took the business world by storm last year with its revolutionary software package,Virtual HRM, have just launched their newest groundbreaking product that turns science fiction into scientific fact. With the help of some of the world’s leading lights in quantum physics and genetics they’ve just finished production of the first ever quantum technology interactive game, Interactive Multiverse Test Cricket, the first of their proposed Masters of the Multiverse series.  ‘Interactive Multiverse Test Cricket’ opens new horizons never before envisaged for the stay-at-home cricket enthusiast. Not only can you pit your wits against the best cricketers in this universe in the comfort of your own home, but thanks to this amazing technology that uses a carefully modified version of quantum teleportation you can now visit all the other universes where cricket is played, past and present and take on the best there as well! This handy pocket sized device made of beautifully crafted ceramic comes with a specially designed quantum leapsuit  and will transport you to any universe of your choice where you will arrive temporarily and partially genetically reconstituted as a fully experienced professional cricketer. You can time your arrival to coincide with any Test Match ever played and choose from a wide range of genes contributed by some of the finest cricketers from this world and a myriad of others.This amazing up-to-the-nanosecond technology doesn’t just allow you to emulate your hero but to actually BE your hero for up to six hours at a time. Even the busiest workaholic can play this game because no matter how long your innings lasts out there in the multiverse you always  arrive back just before you set off!

A spokesperson for ZukeCom told me that there are plans to produce many more multiverse sports packages in the next twelve months such as rugby league, soccer and tennis. “We want to make participation in sport available to everyone”, he said. “We’re constantly developing this technology so that even the severely disabled can play sport. We intend to improve the packages so that no-one need feel side-lined, everyone will be able to participate.Spectator sport will become a thing of the past. The possibilities are endless”.

At the moment use of the package is restricted to the physically fit and purchasers are warned never to make more than one trip in any 24 hour period because of the danger of irreversible transcription errors during the genetic processing procedure.The game is  not suitable  for prepubescent children or pregnant women and anyone with a prosthesis,including dentures is advised to remove them before playing since there have been problems with their reconstitution in other universes. However these are considered to be teething problems and the directors of ZukeCom are confident they can improve the game so that eventually it will safe for all to use. So, beam me up, Scotty!