Sometimes I become so overwhelmed as thoughts and emotions bounce frantically around the confines of my mind. It feels like I have so much going on inside, that I can’t seem to sort through the thoughts well enough to record them. The thoughts are all over the place, the order is minimal. The mind feels as if in chaos, as I struggle to organise the thoughts, and immortalise their existence in cyber space. Sometimes emotions are so strong that I feel I lack the vocabulary to describe them, better yet, to make my reader feel them. I sit there, the mind in overload, thinking, waiting, and wondering if the words will ever come.

When the words do come, I type, only to delete as soon as I type the first few words. I try to think in order, try to think of the direction I wish to take my thoughts. I know that I couldn’t record everything, as id be there forever, the text would be too long, or I will lack consistency. I try to sort out the necessary from the excess. I try to focus, find direction, and I finally begin to type again. So I type quickly, trying to get my thoughts out onto the screen, somehow emptying my mind, and making more room for me to sort out other thoughts. With each typed word I feel that I empty the mind that little bit, that I free up the space I need to move more freely within, and find a comfortable enough zone to think more accurately. Sometimes I need to take a bite at a time at my thoughts, and piece them later as I finally record them on paper. Sorting through written though is so much easier than dealing with them prior.

As I type I ask myself, am I getting my message through? Am I using the right language in explaining my thought? Am I accurately recording thought or am I just corrupting it? I know that once the words start to come out, and once the keyboard helps me immortalise my thought, that I have begun my journey to capturing thought and emotion to the best of my ability. It’s that first step, that impossible struggle that I need to overcome time and again, for me to write from the heart, and reach from the minds innermost. It’s the hurdle, the barrier that makes me think I’m not good enough as a word smith to express my thought well enough, but it’s something I overcome once the wheels of action are set to roll. It’s not writers block, it’s not lack of inspiration, it’s not a fear of inadequacy, as its simply a hurdle, a lock on the door to my mind, that I must lock pick to unleash what lies within.