In America, my name is uncommon and mispronounced constantly, like the reader doesn’t realize there are two ells, not two eyes. In my name’s hometown, Wilhelm is as common as anyone named William. In Germany, my name is never tangled up between tongue and teeth; in fact, it vibrates off the lip perfectly: Vill-helm.

A long time ago, my sister did a research project on our name and she found that it translates directly into, “Man who does peace with his helmet.” I never understood where she got this from, because when I look up its meaning, I always find it to mean “William.” And what kind of person makes peace with his helmet? And how often did this sort of thing happen that made someone decide to give it a name?  I can just imagine someone saying, “Oh! That man is making peace—with his helmet! That’s the second time this week. Let’s name that act. I know, let’s call it—Wilhelm!” I just don’t understand that.

My name makes people wonder if I burn books and hate Jewish people. I don’t. And the fact that I know some German and have been to Germany makes them wonder more about me. They call me German Girl—which is fine, as long as I don’t get accused of being a Nazi, and no one greets me by thrusting their arm into the air. Whenever a new person hears my name and cringes at its harsh origins, the first thing they say is, “But you can’t be German. You don’t have blond hair and blue eyes.” But none of them look closely enough at me to realize that I do, in fact, have blue eyes; and nor do they care so much about me as to delve into my childhood and notice that I had some of the whitest blond hair anybody had ever seen. My mom had to wear sunglasses when she brushed my hair. The only reason I don’t “look German” is because of this wonderful chemical called hair dye. And by the way, since when did every single German in the world have blond hair and blues eyes? If I remember correctly, only one influential person of German decent decided that all Germans should have blond hair and blues eyes, and look how he turned out.