When paired together, there are two words that really tick me off…“Celebrity Author.” Actually, make that three words…“Celebrity Children’s Author.”

Something has gone terribly wrong in the publishing industry. Since when have performers, politicians, actors, football players and let me not forget, mobsters (yes, mobsters) become part of the literati? Psst…that means: the literary intelligentsia, in case any of you newly published notables are reading this. Case in point!

I simply don’t get it. It seems to me that anyone who has an agent and a break in their production schedule can now add the “feather” of children’s book author to their already famous “cap.” Why do these luminaries feel that they have the right to take the express lane to the Library of Congress? There is clearly a disconnect between knowing how to write and getting published and it shamelessly infringes on the success of real children’s book authors who are left sucking air as their industry frolics with the rich and famous.

Publishers are sacrificing quality for sizzle and sales, and unfortunately it’s the children who are losing out the most. The media attention that accompanies the publishing of a book written by some such personage can clearly breathe life back into a celebrity’s flagging career. But for most of them, this new round of fame and fortune is an opportunity to put forth a message… their message. Critics claim that in most celebrity written children’s books, it’s all about the message, whereas in “well written” children’s books, the message (if there even is one)takes a backseat to the story.

So to the following illustrious children’s authors, I say…stick to the stage, the screen, the tube, the political and sports arenas, and any other dubious pursuits. That means you: John Travolta, Ally Sheedy, Bette Midler, Billy Crystal, Madonna, Jay Leno, Paul McCartney, Jamie Lee Curtis, Bill Cosby, Whoopi Goldberg, John Lithgow, Jerry Seinfeld, Lee Ann Rimes, Will Smith, David Byrne, Jimmy Carter, Maria Schriver, Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson, Spike Lee, Deborah Norville, Ed Koch, Mia Hamm, James Carville, Katie Couric, Jane Seymour, Lynne Cheney, Julie Andrews, Tiki and Ronde Barber, and (drumroll…) John A. Gotti.

Heed the apt words of F. Scott Fitzgerald: “You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you’ve got something to say.” That my friends is a right on message!