So, you’re a Mom now…or a Dad. Congratulations! Mazel Tov! Bless your heart! Isn’t she beautiful? My goodness, have you ever seen such a handsome little boy? Ooohhh, aahh, my, my, my….the fun is just beginning. Ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, one nose…yadda, yadda, yadda.

Yes, darlings, I wish all of you the very best and I do mean it sincerely. I am the mother of three; two boys, one girl (all grown now, thank God), and this is the best time of your life… The first year in particular. Before they can talk back or get away from you. But did you notice that there’s something missing? You had the baby shower, or not. You got all the accouterment; crib, changing table, diaper genie (?), stroller (limo style or regular), baby carrier, car seat, baby sling, completely organic layette, orthodontically approved pacifier, swing, binkies, blankies and on and on and on…yet still there is something missing.

A few things came with the actual birth…baby of course, dried up umbilicus (for those of you who save everything), diaper rash ointment, baby thermometer, formula, breast milk (sorry Dad’s you can’t have everything), important phone numbers, like poison control and the pediatrician’s office; yet still there is something missing. What could it be?

Ahh yes, where is it? You’ve looked everywhere I’m sure; I know I did. It wasn’t in the stuff from the pediatrician’s office and it wasn’t in the goodie bag from the hospital either. They kind of inferred that it was included in all those books like What You Can Expect in The First Year and others, but it really wasn’t. What I’m talking about and I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, is the Owner’s Manual.

I got one with the car, I got one with the microwave. I actually got one with the kitten I adopted from the Humane Society. It told me all about litter box training and feeding and how to react to every stage of development of that little cat. But of all the books out there on child-rearing from Dr. Spock to Brazelton, from What to Expect to Mommy & Me, not one of them tells you what to do when your three year old comes to the table naked with his underpants on his head and informs you that he does not want chicken for dinner, he would like macaroni and cheese, please.