This normally would not have been that big of a deal except that he was also covered in talcum powder because he had been making it ’snow’ in his room, and it’s difficult to keep a straight face in front of guests when you know you’re looking at a comic genius in the making.
Besides, he did say ‘please’, and good manners count for a lot.

If I was in possession of an Owner’s Manual, however, I would simply have flipped to “Hatwear” – subheading – “Undies” and found a perfectly reasonable solution to the situation. I’m not positive that there would have been a cross-reference regarding the nudity and talcum powder issue, but at least I would have had a starting point. Which would most certainly have been an improvement over my reaction which was to sit on the floor in order to keep from wetting my pants, while I laughed so hard that my sides ached for days. This of course, only encouraged the behavior, and we had underwear-as-headgear issues for at least six months, until I learned to control myself. I’m certain that this also would have helped later on when the ‘running around the living room with the Easter basket on the head while nude’ issue came up. We actually have photos of that.

There are just so many things that the child-rearing books don’t cover. That’s why an Owner’s Manual should be issued with each model. For instance, we all know that little boys are apt to go off like Old Faithful whenever you give them a chance, whether during a bath, changing their diaper, or just having changed their diaper, getting you in the face again before you have the diaper completely secured. But an Owner’s Manual would surely have warned me that at times for reasons I still don’t understand, that occasionally little girls when filled up with liquid to just the right levels can also pee straight up, yes VERTICALLY, from a prone position and get you right in the eye!

It was at the pediatrician’s office and it only happened once, but I’ll never forget it. The doctor had a good laugh over it, but I was confused for days. Once again, forewarned is forearmed. In other words, always keep a spare diaper handy for cover. Just trust me on this.

The point is there is no Manual, no How-to Book, and not even an Oracle to consult to find out all the answers to all the questions you will have in the journey of bringing your newborn into this jumbled world of ours, without making him/her as crazy as the rest of us. But the secret is, you don’t need one. You already have everything you need inside of you. It’s made up of two very important things: love and common sense. Oh, and it will help if you add a good helping of humor and patience.

There are only a few things that you must always remember when it comes to raising your child. Love them, but remember you are their parent not their friend. They will have lots of friends, but only two parents. (As they get older I like to think of it as a beneficent dictatorship). Two, always use common sense and NEVER sweat the small stuff. (Fads and trends are small stuff-they come and go). Be patient, it really is a virtue. No one has ever asked a college interviewee at what age she was potty trained or stopped sucking her thumb. Never be afraid to laugh, even if you think you should be angry, if your first impulse is to laugh, then laugh – you’ll most likely be glad you did, and so will your child. And most of all take every day and live it to it’s fullest, you will be oh, so glad that you did.

One more note: Don’t ever put tab A underneath form C.