Choosing the place where you are to die is a luxury.  It is worth thinking about this and making plans while you are able.  It has to be planned.  This is not something that is easy to do on your own.

I will tell you about the death of my husband.  He was ill for six years.  We had plenty of time to think about death.  We didn’t.  We thought about living.  It was only when death was imminent that we really thought about it, after we had been prompted by medical staff and social workers.  When we talked about it, all Bob wanted was to be at home.  He was in hospital over Christmas 2007, when he said to me, peacefully,

“My time has come”.

Earlier in the year the doctor at the cancer hospital had told us that they would not resuscitate and advised us to talk about death and where we wanted it to happen.  However, Bob recovered again.  The Macmillan nurse had advised us at one stage,to think about it.  But there was always another day.  When the GP was sending Bob into hospital for what turned out to be the last time, I cried and said,

“I don’t want him to go. He wants to die at home.” 

The GP said,

“It isn’t that easy”

When the end was near, Bob was in the hospice.  The Doctor came to talk to us.  He asked Bob where he wanted to be at the end?  Bob said,

“At home”.

The Doctor took me to one side  and told me we needed to move that day, and that they would do their best to make it possible.  He said that Bob may last a few days, but that he might not survive the journey home.

Bob fought to stay awake all day  He got us to prop him up in bed.  He drank high energy drinks.  He was determined to make it.  He was so full of spirit…He became cross with me because I was not doing anything.  There was nothing I could do. We were in the hands of a team of people who could make going home possible.  Consultants make promises, and the rest of the staff try to fulfil them, however difficult.  I had never realised it would be so complicated.  All day staff at the hospice and support outside the hospice bustled to get Bob home.