I wonder how many fights will erupt inside pubs, bars and nightclubs this weekend. I also wonder what reasons there will be for all of these outbreaks of violence; how many people will get a smack in the mouth over the spilling of someone’s pint? Was the thrusting of the broken glass into the face of the unsuspecting drinker completely justified as “he was looking at me funny!”

I suspect that there will be all manner of reasons, some poor, others piss poor for punch-ups to break out and for claret to be spilled.

I wonder how many altercations will be over women; I should think the larger amount of dust-ups will be over the fairer sex. The most stupid reason for giving someone a slap is undoubtedly because of someone saying within earshot of said girl’s boyfriend that the particular girl is a bit of alright and I couldn’t half give her one. Cue smack on nose which makes no sense if you think about it as all the person being given the kicking has done is to commend the boyfriend on his choice of woman, state quite honestly that given a chance he wishes that he were fortunate enough to be in the boyfriend’s place so that he could thoroughly roger the young lass. But alas this isn’t the case so he can only watch the pair and be very jealous, but once again, great selection of tottie.

There is not a more complimentary thing that a chap can say to another chap than his taste in women is first rate and you wish you were him. In fact if you think it through logically there should be far more tear-ups up and down the country between people who haven’t remarked on the fabulous choice of girly, what an insult “My chick not good enough to shag, are you saying she’s a dog then?”

Of course should the fellow go up to the girl and inform her of his sexual interest then all bets are off and he deserves a right hander!