What really gets my goat at the moment is the habit of quite a few shops (at least around here) that are starting to put Advent calendars and Christmas decorations in the aisles. IN SEPTEMBER. I was walking through town this week and nearly gagged with rage as I passed a window selling Thomas the Tank Engine Advent calendars. And as most of us are aware, it doesn’t even stop there! Come January 1st you’ll have Valentine’s Day cards and Easter eggs beginning to appear, and in June there will be pumpkins and Halloween costumes sprouting like green shoots.

So I address the CEO or the boardroom of every shop that commits this grave offence. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!?!?! It’s like when they start playing Christmas songs in September; “La la la, Christmas time is here again… NO IT’S BLOODY NOT, YOU STILL HAVE 12 GODFORSAKEN WEEKS YOU IDIOTS!!!”

It’s bad enough with Christmas, that over commercialised and far too saccharine holiday that apparently (according to some children I helped teach last year) celebrates the birth of Santa Claus and the true message of Christmas is to bully parents into buying the latest Xbox game and give them a Mount Everest sized pile of chocolate. Sure, I can understand families want to not rush around buying presents for their loved ones, but 3 months away from the bloody day?!?!?!

If it were up to me, owners in shops that do this would be put in a set of stocks, like they used to have in the olden days, and have people throw mince pies at them (because they’d obviously be on sale too!) and maybe some cold turkey and stuffing. Maybe that would be a good enough deterrent to stop hurting my brain with this Yuletide commercialised crap.