I pause to look at him for a moment. He is in a fit of rage. Eyes blood shot and nerves popping. This man is yelling and gritting his teeth at me. I don’t really understand what I did. I cannot fathom what I could have possibly done to cause this reaction. Since I was born it seems I have been fighting for myself. Fighting to survive. Fighting to live. But then one day you wake up and you look at the sky and after that long lengthy stare. You have nothing else to say or to comtemplate but why? Why survive? Why live?

       What makes us want to hold on to this life? Is there some great treasure of which I am not aware? Something so indescribable and untouchable if a certain path is not walked? I want to know the feeling that a purpose is there. That a purpose gives me reason but not just reason but good reason. Do we only hold on to this life because of the fear of death? Is our will to live only so strong because we are sure that there is nothing left?

      Lately I have been doing nothing but contemplating meaning, meaning in every situation, in every context, in every action, and in the following reaction. I’ve thought of you and the tears upon tears I shed and for what reason? I just wanted to be appreciated by you. Admired. Like you were a part of me. I could have left myself go. I could have easily used your words as real weapons against me. But they built me. They made me stronger. Made me harder to break. Made me mistrusting of even those I can trust. I wonder around now, aimlessly. It is true I am aimless. I am a bird not caged but a bird with no where to go. No place to call home. No bread of my own. Nothing like glue to stick me to a place. I just wander.

       I am nothing absent in your mind. In fact, I bet you think of me all the time. You are troubled deeply within yourself and you do your best to take it out on everyone else. You cannot withhold or control yourself. Your rage is always on and the temperature is always high. You’d rather make everyone suffer than to try and stay calm for a while.
If there is no reason to survive or to live, why do we strive towards it? We all have an ultimate goal. It is possibly different for everyone but the truth is that we all have something planting us here. Whether it be fear or hope, love or hate. We are here to gain what we have so often thought and sought about.