September 5th, Sunday

To be honest, I have no idea why I acted the way I acted. Maybe because I placed too much hope on him or maybe because I liked him so much.

I’m beginning to feel pathetic and like a hypocrite, because even though I’m extremely upset, disappointed and hurt by him…I still want to see his face, hear his voice and feel his warm hands and hugs.

I want to make my point but I cant stay mad at him for long. Personally, I don’t like being upset for more than a few hours. My motto is to forgive and forget. I don’t like to hold a grudge but he seems to have taken me for granted. He can’t keep his promises and he ditches me last minute during our dates. Sometimes its not his fault but it feels like I’m his last minute backup plan, that I’m not in his plan, that I only fit in where it is convenient.

I don’t want to make it seem crude but I dont’ know how to make of it. He promised to go out with me but instead goes out with other people. Tell me, how I should feel about this? Seems like I do not rank as important to his but as someone whom he could discard when other plans crop up. He says sorry but how can he mean it when he does it again? He’s busy so he can’t explain. He didn’t even propose to make up for his broken promises or mistakes.

Why do I always have to be the one who waits like a fool, happily hoping to see him but in the end gets disappointed always.

How could he not expect me to doubt his heart, when he can’t even keep simple promises like these? Let’s not talk about forever, but right now, is this how you treat the love of your life? The person you claim you couldn’t be without, the person you said you needed so much?? I don’t think so.

I know its unfair of me to ask so much commitment when we won’t be walking the distance together. But I want you to be a better person and learn how to honour your word. I want you to think about your future, I want you to learn how to express yourself, I want you to discover your true potential! I only want the best for you.

I should have known not to step into this trap called Love. Yet, I knew I wouldn’t regret loving you.

You taught me to love fully without fear.

You taught me to accept all of myself: good, bad and unknown.

You taught me about life, relationships and decision makings.

You healed me from my past.

Most of all, you taught me about True Love.

I don’t want to hate you. I don’t want you to hate me either. I just hope when everything is over, we could still be friends.

“When one truly loves the other, we would accept them as who they are, as the wonderfully perfect imperfection that we love with all our heart.”

Now, I realize, even though I always wondered and worried whether this kind of deep attachment is healthy…it really doesn’t matter that I care too much about you. It doesn’t matter that I might love you more than you love me.

As long as I’ve truly given you my heart,

truly loved you,

truly cherished what we have.

- Alice Sun